BEING A ROLE MODEL

“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach” -W.E.B. DuBois


One of the most terrifying things about raising children is that you have a constant audience. Whether you realize it or not, your children watch you from day one. They’re picking up on your actions, and we only really notice when it gets parrotted back to us. Maybe you catch someone trying to put on lipstick, stomp around in someone else’s shoes, or repeat a word that you really hoped they didn’t hear. It’s in those moments that you realize how much of an impact you have on them. You’re their role model, their example of what it is to be an adult and be human. Like I said, terrifying. We are so aware of our perceived faults and inadequacies, it’s difficult to take a step back and remember that to our children, we are the example.


Just because we have a constant audience doesn’t mean we need to bear the burden of trying to be perfect all the time. This can do more harm than good, because we’ll inevitably fall short (to our own chagrin). Seeking perfection is a journey with no destination, an impossible task. It’s okay to be flawed, as long as you have a positive attitude, treat yourself and others with kindness and respect, and simply do the best you can with what you have- that’s what really matters. “There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent” Mahatma Gandhi


One overlooked aspect of parenting is the relationship we have with ourselves. You know the saying “You can’t feed others from an empty cupboard?” It’s true- if you don’t at least have a little love to give yourself, where will you find it for others? Another difficult truth- children will notice if you do not have a positive relationship with yourself, and this sometimes shapes their own concepts of self-love. It’s an instance of leading by example, like telling our kids to wear their seatbelts- it’s probably a good idea to put our own seatbelt on, as well. Along those lines, we can tell our kids it’s important to love yourself, but it doesn’t carry a lot of weight if we’re not demonstrating it. It’s all a learning process: “It’s not only children who grow. Parents do, too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself.” -Joyce Maynard


Although at times it seems as though your children never listen, they are certainly always watching: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them”- James Baldwin. We may not be perfect role models for our children all the time, but if we are mindful about our words and actions on a daily basis, we can provide them with dedicated parents worth imitating from time to time.