Sunday, December 28, 2014

Breaking Free From Anxiety: How I Overcame My Inner Turmoil And Ways Of Conquering Your Own Internal Mayhem!

  "You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it."--Maya Angelou---

     Anxiety, also known as the fight-or-flight response, is our bodies way of showing us that something within our current situation needs to change. It is the most common mental illness in the United States, and is all too often accompanied by depression, another familiar condition bewildering millions. Our ancestors used this same fight-or-flight response to their advantage, utilizing their careful thinking and problem solving skills in becoming well prepared for winter and warding off unwanted animal attacks. While it is normal for everyone to experience occasional anxiety, when more recurrent bouts of unwelcome, intense feelings rear their ugly head, it can be a sign of anxiety disorder. Panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorders, nervous behaviors, social anxiety disorders, and a wide range of phobias are some of the most frequent symptoms exhibited when people suffer from this crippling affliction. While doctor's are still unsure of the exact cause of anxiety; stress, genetics, and traumatic life events seem to be highest on the list of contributing factors, reported by those who suffer with them. When sudden unexpected events occur, such as: loss of a loved one, a failed relationship, a traumatic life event, sickness, or bad business deal, we are often left confused and brokenhearted, with our feelings meandering wildly.
     The torment that comes along with generalized anxiety and panic attacks is a topic very close to my heart, as not too long ago, I struggled day and night with unsettling feelings of fear, despair, trepidation...and the list went on and on. I found myself trapped in misery, as I agonized incessantly, desperately searching for a solution to the growing turmoil inside me. In this post, I will focus on my own battle with these fits of terror and methods used to overcome them for good!
      My battle with disquietude started when my son, Maurice, was first hospitalized. Our entire world was turned upside down and everything I knew no longer made sense. My first born, lied in the ICU, on Life Support, fighting for his life and I was thrust into an emotional, mental, and physical state which was unfamiliar, to say the least. I was focused on being the best mother I could be for Maurice and my other children, and didn't have time nor the energy to worry about my worsening apprehension. The ups and downs encountered throughout the ICU, Rehab., Life coming home from Rehab., and the journey we embarked on from that point forward were the most perplexing and trying times of my life, but I was determined to stay in faith, finding a way for the shattered pieces to all fit again. I knew I couldn't let my perturbation get the best of me, but over the years, despite diligently working to get a handle on it, the symptoms got harder to control. A war was going on inside myself, and I was trying with all my might to not let it prevail. It never affected my ability to take care of the children, but it was definitely impacting my life on a continual basis.
       The restless nights were the worse. I would excessively worry about the future and Maurice getting better. I went days without being able to sleep. The worry turned into unrelenting fear, which plagued my mind. I was incessantly scared my other children would get hurt or something might happen to me. I felt as if I had no control over anything and was completely powerless.
      I can't even recall the number of times I called my grandma or aunt when having a panic attack. I would wake up sweating and breathing sporadically, feeling as though my heart was going to pound through my chest. They would talk me through it, and then I would toss and turn for hours, trying to get back to sleep.
      On several occasions, I called the nurses in the E.R. in the middle of the night, fearing something was wrong with me. Sometimes, it felt as if my entire left side would go completely numb. Convinced I was having a heart attack, my aunt would come drive me to the hospital while my dad watched the kids. They would perform many tests and always had the same diagnosis of stress and anxiety.
     I'd ask God to please take my fear away. I didn't want to live like this and was petrified my mind was spiraling out of control. I'd sit and cry while everyone was asleep, knowing I had to get control over my thoughts. Even though my dad and aunts knew what was going on, I had never actually talked about my feelings in depth with them. I chose to finally open up.
     My dad wanted me to be strong and tried his best to build me up. He assured me I could handle anything and that exercise was key to taking my mind off of everything. The last thing I felt like doing at that time, though, was working out. My aunts urged me to see a doctor and felt maybe anxiety medication was the best option. I greatly appreciated their opinions, but considering the reaction my baby had to the Flu Shot, I wasn't a big fan of medications and opted to work on it myself.
      I prayed for God to let me live without the unsettling worries, implemented breathing techniques, a little bit of exercise, positive thinking, and actually put myself in 'uncomfortable situations' at times, just so I could see that everything would be okay and my fears wouldn't come true. I also started a journal, writing down my inner most thoughts and goals for the future. The symptoms fluctuated---decreasing for a few months, returning, and then diminishing again.
     I held fast that God would turn things around. After all, He knows us inside and out and could conquer anything. I laid at night reciting Psalms 139:1-3 (NIV) "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."
     Ultimately, I had to work very hard to control the debilitating effects of my anxiety. Although the previous methods I implemented were a great start, it wasn't until I completely gave all my worries and trust over to God, that I experienced total relief, peace and comfort from my symptoms. I knew I must rise out of my own ashes and get my enthusiasm for life back. Even though my son was now permanently disabled and so much around me had changed, there was still so much beauty, lessons, miracles, and happiness to be seen and discovered...but I was blind to them until I trusted in God wholeheartedly! One of the lessons I have been taught through our plight is God will always protect us. He hates to see his children hurting, and when you stay in faith, He will deliver you from your burdens.
      It's easy to go through life living in our disappointments, set backs, and regrets...but when we stay focused on the past, we can't fulfill God's plan for our future! We are stronger than we think and must use the adversity in our life to help others. God would have never allowed the obstacles to come in our lives, if He didn't have a plan to bring us out victorious, better, and happier than ever before! If you stay in faith during your times of greatest suffering, God will take those fears that once controlled you and turn them into part of your testimony to thrust others out of their darkest hours! Thank you for reading this very special post and I will close with a quote from the well known Swiss- American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Most Precious Gift

 "Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel" Isaiah 7:14 (KJV)

          As we celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, it can be somewhat difficult to find peace with so much suffering going on around the world. Mark 13:7 (KJV) reads as follows: 'And when ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars, be ye not troubled: for such things must be; but the end shall not be yet.' We must remember that God came to Earth as a man to show us love, peace, endless mercy, and that He wants us to find comfort and peace right where we are at.
         While my kids and I visited a live nativity scene this morning, I couldn't help think about Jesus' mother, Mary. Already very large and almost ready to give birth, what were her feelings as she embarked on the journey to Bethlehem? Any mother-to-be can experience a long list of anxious emotions, and I can't imagine the thoughts going through her mind as the innkeeper said ' there was no room in the inn to give birth?' Luke 2:7 says: and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.' I know she was overjoyed at the sight of the precious baby she had given birth to...and elated her son would grow up to save mankind from their sins. She of course would give Him the name Jesus, which means 'Savior.'
          I strive to teach my children the true meaning of Christmas. I want them to know it isn't about how many presents you get or the number of holiday functions one might attend, but instead, about joy, giving, and making sacrifices for others. We should all aim to keep the Christmas spirit year round, always reflecting how God has already given us the greatest gift we can ever receive, in his son, Jesus. The religious leader and author, Thomas Monson, said it best when he wrote: 'Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values.'
         Merry Christmas from our family to yours! I hope everyone had a wonderful day, filled with memories which will last a lifetime!



Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Power Of Poetry

   A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words. --- Robert Frost ----

      Since primordial times, people have expressed their deepest emotions, created healing, and stimulated personal growth through poetry. The well known scholar and psychiatrist, Sigmund Freud, once stated: 'Not I, but the poet discovered the unconscious.' Poetry has a way of taking you too many places...places, sometimes, only our mind can create. When we travel to that creative place our poems come is then that healing, peace, and insights are generated.
       Growing up, I was never a poetry writer, but loved reading all genres of it. It wasn't until the most strenuous time of my life, that I stumbled upon the healing power of poetry! The exact moment will always be fresh in my mind: My son, Maurice, had been in the Intensive Care Unit for over a month. We were now waiting for any signs that he would start coming out of the coma. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I knew he was depending on me to stay strong for him, and even though he couldn't speak, he could hear and feel what was going on around him. I took Maurice's hand and recounted trips we had been on. I talked for hours, just hoping something I said might wake him up quicker. I went over memories we shared at the beach, as this was his favorite place to go. I recalled one trip where Maurice and I had taken a picture inside a huge diorama of a shark's mouth. "I can't wait for us to go to the beach again, sweetie. "Remember when we took the picture inside of the shark's mouth?" I asked, looking down at him. He, of course, didn't respond. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. "I know you can hear me, babe," I asserted. "Mommy's going to be right here when you wake up." I shifted in my chair, pulling a blanket I had on my lap up over my shoulders. When suddenly, I thought I felt a finger move! Knowing I hadn't slept well in over a month, I thought I was mistaken. Trying to decompress, I kept talking about the beach trip. Then I felt his fingers moving again. This time, even slightly more than the first. I couldn't have been misconstrued. I jumped up and pressed the nurse call button so much I thought I might break it. The whole time I kept saying to Maurice, "I'm here baby...I knew you could do it!" It felt as if we had been waiting a lifetime for Maurice to start waking up. I knew we were still in a battle, but all that mattered was my baby was fighting through it!
       Many reflections were running rampant through my mind. It felt as if I was going to rupture inside. I wanted to express my everlasting love for him in a special way. Contemplating all the agony we had encountered throughout the ICU, I reached for a pen and paper and started writing him this poem:

                                                      My Hero
                                       As I drive down this broken road
                                  I can't help but wonder what life will unfold.
                                       Looking out at the midnight sky
                                  my mind starts to drift, thinking of you and I.
                                  Every corner I turn and every stoplight I see
                                       are filled with our sweet memories.
                                  Wondering how one minute you can have it all
                                  and never knowing that in the blink of an eye
                                        it could all be gone.
                                   As another day passes and another night ends
                                  I try to convince myself, I'm just trapped in a nightmare that will soon end.
                                  If I had a wish, I would turn back the hands of time
                                        and erase all of your pain you feel inside.
                                  I would shield and protect you from any harm
                                       and never let you go from my arms.
                                   You are truly an angel and everything to me
                                       and I can't ever explain how you've always
                                       made me so proud
                                   from the first day I took you into your pre-k class
                                   I will never forget, the way you sat down so brave
                                       and so eager to learn.
                                    You looked at me and smiled and waved good-bye.
                                     You were never scared and had a certain look in your eye.
                                    I knew you would grow up to be a great man
                                      and you've exceeded my expectations time and time again.
                                    I wonder if I'll ever hear you talk to me again
                                    to tell me that you love me and just how your day has been.
                                    Sometimes, I see you look at me, so deeply in my eyes
                                    and I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling inside.
                                    I know you have an angel with you everywhere you go,
                                    and God has a plan for you that we soon will know.
                                    You have been through a battle and still are fighting now
                                     strong and fearless as a brave soldier, traveling onto enemy ground.
                                     Your motivation for fighting so hard through all of this
                                        I wish I knew.
                                     Anyone else would have given up and never made it through.
                                    You have a will to live, that is amazing and always shines through.
                                     You will always be my hero, a true inspiration to me.
                                     I hope you know how much I truly love you,
                                          and I will never leave your side.
                                     I am truly blessed to have you, I know without
                                          a doubt.
                                     I will never take a day for granted, for you
                                          are what life and love are truly about!

             I had found a way to release my inner emotions! It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and transferred, at least momentarily, through the pen to the paper. Poetry had allowed me to escape from all of the doubt, worry, and perplexing feelings which were plaguing my heart.
             I would love to hear any of your own inspirational poetry! Thank you for reading this blog post and I will close with this short poem from Michael Sage:
                                                         An Emotion
                                      There came an emotion, somewhere from above
                                      Gracefully floating, like a beautiful white dove.
                                      I'm enveloped by emotion, it fits like a glove
                                      So peaceful and wonderful, this feeling called Love.




Friday, December 19, 2014


  "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has" -- Margaret Mead --

          It's no coincidence how the flu shot is being forced on us like never before. The advertisements are ceaseless; coming from billboards, T.V. commercials, radio, and whatever other creative way sellers can think of to push this vaccine. Some employers, are even now requiring their employees to receive the inoculation or risk losing their job. Knowing firsthand the devastating effects the Flu Shot can render, my heart drops every time a new advertisement pops up. A few days ago, when driving past a local pharmacy, I couldn't help but cringe. I was used to the usual "Don't Forget Your Flu Shot" signs up all over, but was shocked at what I saw on this afternoon! Their usual Flu Shot advertising had obviously taken on a whole new level of approach----as there was an employee dressed as a vaccine needle, trying his best to direct traffic over to the store. I watched in dismay as he held a sign up that read, "Free toy given with every Flu Shot." My eyes became tear-filled as I thought to myself: This is definitely all about the money ---- Why else is a vaccine being thrust upon us so much, without even knowing the way different people's bodies will react to it? And why are the possible adverse effects being kept so hushed? Something has to be done!
       It is proven that the Flu Shot contains one or more toxic ingredients! One of these, named Sodium Deoxycholate, is better known as 'Detergent!' This chemical can weaken the blood-brain-barrier and subsequently activate seizures, or other conditions such as: encephalitis (brain swelling) or Guillain-Barre syndrome! Mercury, a well known neuro-toxin, also still remains in the Flu Vaccine. U.S law actually requires it be in there because it is an effective preservative. We have long heard our government say mercury is safe in vaccines, but I beg to differ! The pharmaceutical companies also don't seem to be in a hurry to reveal that aborted human fetus cell lines are used in the early stages of production in most Influenza vaccines! They say these are used because the vaccine needs a living cell in which to grow and that purification steps ensure these cells are not in the final vaccine product...BUT considering all the secrecy going on with this vaccine...I wouldn't be quick to believe their reasoning! Why would these chemicals be allowed to remain in any vaccine? Why does our government feel we should be comfortable with injecting our children, elderly, and pregnant women with these deadly toxins? Why is proper research not being done by the pharmaceutical companies on how people's bodies can or can not metabolize and excrete these toxic ingredients? These questions can no longer go un-answered! They need to know that we will not stand idly by, while this Hidden Flu Shot agenda wreaks havoc on so many families lives! Another parent should not be left grieving after the death of their precious child to the Flu Shot or having to watch their loved one's life transformed forever, from a vaccine that is definitely not safe and needs major reform.
       In Italy, after three people have recently died and another fights for their life after taking the Flu Shot, the vaccine has now been Banned! Our government should see this as a 'wake up call', per the fact that another country is even recognizing the deadly dangers of this vaccine!
      Vaccine Reform in this country, with an emphasis on the Flu Vaccine, is long over due! I am in no way anti-government, but sometimes Change Needs To Be Made And You Must Stand Up For What's Right! It is time to get back to the principles our forefathers founded this Great Country on and not be expected to lay down and take pharmaceutical and other government agencies putting our loved ones at risk, because they have trillions of dollars backing them. The well known author, poet, and philosopher, Henry David Thoreau, once said it is sometimes best when individual's rights take priority over state authority. During the American Renaissance Era, a time when injustice ran rampant, Mr. Thoreau was no stranger to standing up for what he believed in and trying to correct wrongs. My fellow mankind, I say to you, it is now time we really push our own agenda ---- the agenda to save many lives through much needed Flu Vaccine Reform!
      I am currently in the midst of launching a national campaign called the Maurice Lamkin Jr. Amelioration Act, calling for immediate reduction and elimination of toxic Flu vaccine ingredients. Our own journey has taught me to never give up and to inspire change whenever possible. I've made it my mission in life to keep people from going through the pain my son endured, after taking the Flu Shot. I urge you to stand with me in this fight to bring about much needed reform! Next week, I will post an online Petition on my site, which will need as many signatures as we can gather. Stay tuned to the site for details and I will also put on my blog when it has been posted. This petition will accompany me to Washington, DC in a few months, when I meet with community leaders and lawmakers. This will be a tough battle, but I rest assured God is leading and guiding my foot steps! Isaiah 45:2 KJV says 'I will go before thee and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron.' Thank you for your support and  Together, We can bring about much needed change and reform!




Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A Present Day Miracle

     "So Jesus said to him, "unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe." John 4:48 ESV

      We all know that Jesus raised people from the dead, healed the sick, and performed countless other divine miracles. Have you ever thought: If only Jesus were still walking the Earth right now...then it would be all too easy for the suffering to be healed of their afflictions? I know that I have. Just a touch of His hand, reaching out for the edge of His garment, or a merciful prayer from His holiness brought about divine healing in that time. But what about 'Present Day' Miracles...Do they still exist? Some people are skeptic, not believing in healings and Present Day Miracles. They pray and pray...but feel there is no answer. The truth of the matter is that when we are in the midst of extreme circumstances, it is normal for us to want God to answer our prayers immediately. The reality is, however, our answer doesn't always come in the timeframe or manner we would like or expect. When we stay in faith, no matter how long it might take, God sees our pain and will bring us through what we are facing.
       I would like to share with you my own 'Present Day Miracle'. My story starts about a year after my firstborn son, Maurice, became permanently disabled from taking the Flu Shot. This was a very scary time. Every aspect of life as we knew it had been completely altered. Having witnessed my baby battling to survive forty days and nights on Life Support, then transferring to Rehab. where grueling therapy sessions began to walk again and regain all lost abilities, and finally 'Coming Home,' where I was completely focused on being the best mom for Maurice with his ever changing special needs, my inquisitive toddler, and my sweet infant girl.....To say the least, I was physically and mentally drained. From sunrise to sunset, I was so busy taking care of Maurice and my other two little ones. Money was also very scarce... I would constantly worry about how I was going to provide for my little ones. Saying we were struggling to make ends meet was definitely an understatement. At night, I would collapse into bed, praying the morning would bring a brighter day. The only thing keeping me going was the love for my children and my deepening spiritual relationship with God. I knew He was with us and could see all of our heartache and struggles.
      In the first few chapters of my soon to be released book, I tell how one night while Maurice lie in the Intensive Care Unit on Life, my dad, and Maurice's kindergarten teacher drove to see a faith healer, named Alan Ames, who was in town. I had never done or experienced anything like that before...and at the time wasn't even sure if I believed in faith healers....but was willing and desperate to save Maurice's life! We had an amazing experience that night and I vowed to go back every year to see the faith healer when he came to town. Since Maurice wasn't able to physically go the first year, I was greatly anticipating our next return the following year.....which is where my Present Day Miracle would take place.
      A few weeks before the healing service, I was feeling very overwhelmed. I had been trying my best to deal with everything and be brave in front of my children, but inside I was utterly terrified. I would stand at the kitchen window, which overlooked a tree in the backyard. Tears would stream down my face, as I watched a tiny bird hopping from one tree limb to another. As crazy as it might sound, I hoped this was a sign...possibly a message from God letting me know everything was going to be alright. I started praying, "Please, God. I don't know if I'm supposed to ask for such a thing, but if possible, can you please show me some kind of sign when we go see Mr. Ames? Just something to let me know you see what we're going through and everything with Maurice will be okay." I repeated this same prayer everyday in the weeks leading up to the healing service.
     The day of the service, I got Maurice dressed in his best clothes. He had been having a few seizures that morning, and my other little ones were coming down with a cold. When we were leaving the house, Maurice soiled his new jeans. I couldn't help but think something was trying to keep us from going, as I changed him into a different outfit. This only made me more determined though....
     We were just a few blocks away from the church. We were following a line of cars, I just knew were going to our same destination. This was a different church than we had seen Mr. Ames at the first time. As we turned into the parking lot, I was amazed at how big it was. It was a beautiful Catholic church named Our Lady of Lourdes Grotto.
     We pulled into a parking spot and unloaded the trunk. We put Maurice into his wheelchair and situated the girls inside their double stroller. There must have been hundreds of people there, and just being amongst them felt very tranquil.
     After Mass had ended, Mr. Ames came out and started speaking. We found a seat and listened to him reveal the innermost details of his own personal transformation. It was like I was glued to my seat and my ears fixated upon his every word as he continued speaking about the many documented healings, which had taken place at these services.
     His testimony was now coming to an end, and the healing service was ready to begin. I felt shivers going through my body as we lined up. I could see Mr. Ames laying his hands upon each person, and tears engulfed my face.
    Please, God, will you show me a sign that you see what's going on with Maurice? I prayed.
    I pushed Maurice up to the front and stood behind him. We were kind of in the middle, so it would take Mr. Ames a few minutes longer before getting to us. I glanced over at my dad, and we smiled at each other.
    When Mr. Ames got to us, I looked up at him; my face bright red from crying and whispered, "Please help us." He seemed to see right through to my heart and started praying over each one of us. I couldn't help but think about the sign from God I had been praying for. Please God, please show me a sign, I repeated in my mind.
     Mr. Ames had just finished praying over my dad, who was last in our row, and was starting to move toward the next family. We were getting ready to walk away when suddenly... Mr. Ames stopped. He quickly turned around, making his way back over to me. "I need to tell you that God does see you and sees what you're going through. Everything will be alright. I felt this was laid on my heart just now, and I had to tell you."
    He touched my and Maurice's forehead one last time, before moving on to the next family. Tears ran down my face...I couldn't believe He had answered my prayers in that way!!
   On the ride home, I told my dad all about what I had prayed in the previous weeks and he was amazed! I vowed to always share this story with people to let them know God is definitely real and sees everything we are going through. Things were really hard, but I would continue taking refuge in God.
   We now go back to see Mr. Ames each year. His website is ---- Now you see why I will never doubt Present Day Miracles. Thank you for letting me share this special story with you. I will end this blog post with Jeremiah 29:12-13: "Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."


Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Truth Behind the Flu Shot

As parents we are often faced with tough decisions regarding our children's well being. We love our kids and will protect them by any means necessary. The heated debate of whether or not to vaccinate our children is one that has been around for longer than you might think. Benjamin Franklin noted in his autobiography that he lost a child to smallpox and regretted not getting him the inoculation for it beforehand. Whether for religious or personal reasons, this decision is one a parent definitely struggles over. I never really thought of the possible dangers from vaccines until my first born sons' life was transformed perpetually after receiving the Flu Shot. I of course had empathized and prayed for families with vaccine horror stories, but never did it actually hit home until my first born lie on Life Support forty days and nights, shortly after receiving the Influenza Vaccine. Witnessing him go from a happy, healthy little boy who loved to sing and dance to a child  plagued with hospital stays, developmental set backs, and never the chance of caring for his self again... has definitely put me into the anti-vaccine category. Our journey caused me to do thorough research on the safety of vaccines, with an emphasis on the safety of the Influenza Vaccines. I am a firm believer in Genesis 50:20 'You intended to harm me, but God meant it for good, to bring about the saving of many lives' I pray that by the sharing of my son's story and our families journey, people will benefit from our experience. If Maurice's story keeps even one person from experiencing the pain he has endured, then my mission is complete. About a year and a half ago God laid it on my heart to write the soon to be released, 'Flu Shot Gone Wrong' book and to start, as ways of reaching people and letting them know the dangers of the Flu Vaccine. Please read the following article which shares other important information:

Hundreds of People are Afflicted with Guillain-Barré Syndrome Every Year from the Flu Shot

As can be seen in this report and other reports from government payments for vaccine injuries, Guillain-Barré Syndrome (GBS) is the most common side effect and injury due to the flu vaccination.
What is Guillain-Barré Syndrome? Here is the definition the CDC gives:
Guillain-Barré syndrome (GBS) is a rare disorder in which a person’s own immune system damages their nerve cells, causing muscle weakness and sometimes paralysis. GBS can cause symptoms that last for a few weeks. Most people recover fully from GBS, but some people have permanent nerve damage. In very rare cases, people have died of GBS, usually from difficulty breathing.
Compare this to the CDC definition for Polio:
Polio is an infectious disease caused by a virus that lives in the throat and intestinal tract. Up to about 72% of susceptible persons infected with polio have no symptoms. However, infected persons without symptoms can still spread the virus and cause others to develop polio. About 24% of infected susceptible persons have minor symptoms such as fever, sore throat, upset stomach, or flu-like symptoms and have no paralysis or other serious symptoms. About 1-5% develop aseptic meningitis with stiffness of the back, back, or legs, and in some persons increased or abnormal sensations a few days after the minor illness resolves. These symptoms typically last from two to ten days, followed by complete recovery. Less than 1% of polio cases result in paralysis of the limbs (usually the legs). Of those cases resulting in paralysis, 5-10% of the patients die when the respiratory muscles are paralyzed.
Here is one story of a man who nearly died from GBS resulting from a flu shot, and here is a recent story of a nurse that was awarded $11.6 million after being paralyzed by the flu shot.
The fact that GBS is one of the side effects of the annual flu vaccine is well known and documented. The package insert of the flu vaccine even lists a warning regarding GBS:
“If Guillain-Barré syndrome (GBS) has occurred within 6 weeks of previous influenza vaccination, the decision to give Fluzone should be based on careful consideration of the potential benefits and risks.”
Did you know that? Are you screened and asked questions prior to receiving a flu vaccine to see if you have any risks based on pre-existing conditions?
How many people are injured with GBS due to a flu shot?  According to the CDC, “no more than 1 or 2 cases per million people vaccinated.”
Is this rate accurate? We don’t know. How many people might be afflicted with GBS and not make the connection to the flu vaccine? The CDC states that “an estimated 3,000 to 6,000 people develop GBS each year,” and “about two-thirds of people who develop GBS symptoms do so several days or weeks after they have been sick with diarrhea or a respiratory illness.”
Let’s assume the government’s estimate of GBS injuries due to flu vaccines is accurate (1 or 2 cases per million people vaccinated). How many people does that translate to who are becoming injured (or killed) by GBS as a result of the flu vaccine?
According to the latest statistics (September 2014) listed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services here, there were about 944 million doses of the flu vaccine distributed between 2006 and 2013.
So by the government’s own statistics, the flu vaccine is causing about 269 people per year to become injured (including some deaths) with GBS. This is out of 3,000 to 6,000 cases of GBS in the U.S. per year. Could vaccines actually be responsible for a lot more?

The Flu Vaccine Contains Mercury, a Well-known Neurotoxin

While mercury in the form of thimerosol has been removed from most childhood vaccines, it remains in the flu vaccine, which is recommended for young children, pregnant women, the elderly, and just about the entire population. Mercury is a well-known neuro-toxin, but it is such an effective preservative, that it is used in bulk, multi-dose containers of vaccines. In fact, U.S. law requires it.
The majority of the flu vaccines in the U.S. come from these multi-dose containers, which contain mercury as a preservative. You can choose a “non-mercury flu shot,” meaning a flu shot from single-dose vials or pre-filled syringes where the preservative is not needed, but that is no guarantee that mercury is not present. Minutes from a government meeting on vaccines reveals that even in these single dose flu vaccines sometimes “thimerosol is present in trace amounts as a result of the manufacturing process.” (Source – page 7.)
This should surprise no one, since the government’s position on this matter is that mercury in vaccines is safe. Implementing safeguards to ensure mercury is kept out of vaccines for those who don’t want it would be too burdensome to the drug manufacturers who need to manufacture them in large batches to keep costs down.
You should also be aware that senior CDC scientist Dr. William Thompson has recently come forward as a whistleblower to reveal that the CDC has withheld data from vaccine safety studies that did not support the official CDC position on vaccine safety. In a recorded phone conversation with Dr. Brian Hooker, Thompson stated that injecting mercury into pregnant women creates a “clear and present danger” to the unborn child. The CDC whistleblower stated that mercury in vaccines causes “tics” in children, and that these tics are 4 times more prevalent in kids with autism. (Story here.)

The Flu Vaccine is Big Business

There is a reason why the flu vaccine is the most dangerous vaccine in the U.S. causing the most injuries. It is an annual repeat vaccine that the government wants ALL citizens to take every year, including infants, pregnant women, and seniors. From the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services report here, no other vaccine comes close to the flu vaccine in distribution. Yearly sales in flu vaccines exceed 134 million doses, while all other vaccines combined total just less than 200 million doses.
According to sales statistics from 2013, the revenue of annual flu vaccines is increasing. For example, Walgreens’ 2013 sales report shows flu shots increased from 6.9 million doses in 2012 to 7.5 million this flu past season.

Does the Flu Vaccine Prevent Serious Illness?

This is the big question that needs to be answered to justify mass vaccinations and documented lives destroyed by the flu vaccine. Those marketing and pushing for the vaccine want you to believe that the minority need to be sacrificed for the greater good of the majority, and that the flu vaccine is effective.
But where is the proof the flu vaccine is effective? Is this a scientific fact, or simply a belief to support a billion dollar vaccine industry that cannot be sued for damages?
The media and most medical professionals often state that the flu causes anywhere from “3,000 to 49,000 deaths each year.” The CDC’s website, however, states that this is just an estimate, and that they actually do not even know what this number is.

- See more at:

The Calm Before The Storm

In the previous blog post I shared the Preface to the soon to be released, 'Flu Shot Gone Wrong' book. Today I will post the first chapter in the book, titled:

                                         The Calm Before The Storm

      It was a chilly morning in late October. We were starting out with our usual weekday routine: waking up early to get Maurice ready for kindergarten, fixing the baby a bottle, and trying to let my two-year-old sleep without being disturbed.
      The aroma of bacon and eggs filled the air as I made Maurice's favorite breakfast. I could hear him singing along to Blue's Clues. I had been separated from my kid's father for a while. We had been in love once, but when we started having children, everything changed. He was in and out of jail and in and out of the children's lives. He was incarcerated at the time, so we were living with my dad. My dad and I had always been very close. He watched my youngest kids while I dropped Maurice off at school.
      "want me to walk you in?" I asked Maurice as we pulled up to the school. "No, Mom," he said with spunk. "I'm a big boy. I can find my class."
       I smiled.
       "I know you are, sweetie, " I replied. "I'll see you this afternoon!"
       "Okay! I love you!" he called as he jumped out of the car.
         I waved and blew him a kiss. I got home, said good-bye to my dad, and started the day with my two little ones, Malik and Mariah. I got them fed, did a few loads of laundry, and checked the clock. It was almost time to pick Maurice up.
         I had to get him out of school a little early that day. The flu had been going around, and I had finally made him an appointment to get his flu shot. I was dreading it because I knew Maurice hated needles, but his pediatrician had recommended he receive the vaccine.
         I often think about that day; I can see Maurice and I walking hand in hand to the car. "But, Mom, I'm in the middle of an art project. I don't want to go get a shot," he stated persistently.
         Looking back, I wish there could have been some type of altering force that changed our course to the clinic that afternoon. Perhaps a flat tire, getting a traffic ticket---anything so he wouldn't have taken the immunization shot.
         When we arrived at the health center, I looked around for my Aunt Carol. She agreed to meet me up there so Malik and Mariah could stay in the waiting area while I went back with Maurice. I finally spotted her.
          "Thanks for coming, Carol," I said, handing Mariah over to her.
          "It's no trouble," she said. She looked around the clinic. "Wow! There are a lot of kids here!"
          "Yeah, evidently the flu is spreading like wildfire," I said, writing Maurice's name on the sign-in sheet. "Maybe it's good he's getting his shot. I would hate for him to get sick."
          We sat in the waiting area, and Maurice started flipping through the pages of a Highlights magazine. Finally, after waiting what seemed like an hour, I heard the nurse call Maurice's name.
           "Let's go, baby," I said.
           He reluctantly put down the magazine and took my hand. I could tell he was nervous as he watched the nurse very carefully leading us back to the exam room.
           "Okay, Ms. Mouille, can you have your son sit on your lap, please?" the nurse asked.
           Before I could even look at Maurice, he was already positioning himself on top of my thighs. I could feel his little hands shaking. He stared at the nurse's back as she prepped the injection.
           "You're going to be fine," I whispered in his ear.
           "Okay," the nurse said, turning around with the needle in her hand. Maurice tensed up and grasped my fingers firmly.
           "Just look at your mommy, Maurice," the nurse requested.
           Maurice nodded.
           "I'm right here," I said soothingly.
           "Here we go," the nurse said. "One, two, three."
           When she reached three, the needle went into his arm. He let out a loud scream, and I noticed a few tears run down his cheeks.
           "Gosh, babe," I said, "you screamed so loud you almost broke my ears."
           "That just hurt me really bad," he said, sniffling.
           "He may run a slight fever," the nurse said as she put a bandage on the injection site. "Just give him a little Tylenol, and he should be fine."
            "I shouldn't expect anything else?" I asked.
             "Nope, that's it. He should be fine." the nurse replied, guiding us back to the front.
             Unbeknownst to me at this moment, those four words uttered by the nurse would come back to haunt me.
              Maurice was still wiping away tears as we walked out to the car.
              "How about we go to McDonald's for lunch since you were such a brave boy?" I suggested to him.
               He smiled big and nodded.
               "Let's go!" I said, taking his hand in mine, as we ran to the car excitedly. My aunt came with us, and we ate lunch while Maurice played. I can still see him running around the play area, laughing loudly. I had no idea, in just a matter of hours, that my firstborn son would be in the fight of his life.
                Once we made it back home, I noticed a little children's Bible lying on the coffee table. I opened it up and read the inscription aloud "To Maurice. You are a great boy. I know you will enjoy these stories. Love, Mema."
                Maurice was instantly drawn to the Bible and couldn't take his eyes off the brightly colored pictures arrayed throughout the inside. He carried the book around and didn't want to put it down. I didn't think about it then, but looking back, there seemed to be a deeper meaning behind Maurice receiving that gift on this particular day. Maybe it was meant to provide him comfort through the events that were about to transpire.
               Later that evening, Maurice started running a high fever. I was rotating Children's Tylenol and Motrin to control it and trying to keep him as comfortable as possible. I figured this was normal. After all, the nurse said we could expect a fever.
               I put Maurice to bed a little earlier that night, hoping he'd feel better with a good night's rest. I read him a Bible story from the book my grandmother had brought, gave him a kiss, and turned off the light.
              "Mom, can I sleep with the Bible under my pillow?" he asked as I started to close his door.
              "Of course you can. Good night, sweetie," I whispered back.
              I went to bed soon after, falling asleep to the sound of the television.






Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Flu Shot Gone Wrong: An Inside Look Through a Mother's Eyes

                                             Mover of Mountains
                                               Helen Steiner Rice

                 Faith is a force that is greater than knowledge or skill,
                 And the darkest defeat turns to triumph if you trust in
                 God's wisdom and will,
                 For faith is a mover of mountains --- there's nothing
                 man cannot achieve
                 If he has the courage to try it
                And then has the faith to believe.

      I have always loved this poem by Helen Steiner Rice. It beautifully sums up the way we must handle unexpected adversities that come our way. It is very hard to not be petrified when you are facing the hardest times of your life. At times, the walls can feel as if they are closing in around you and the weight of the world has been unfairly placed upon your shoulders. So what are we to do? How can we make sure consternation won't overtake us? The answer to these questions lie in igniting our Faith. I know these feelings all too well and it took me a long time to figure out how to turn my darkest hours into triumphant lessons, insights, and an impenetrable relationship with God.
     I was only twenty six years old when our world changed forever. My angel, Maurice, had just started kindergarten. My baby girl, Mariah, was fourteen days old and my toddler, Malik, had just turned two. Still recovering from giving birth a couple of weeks earlier and also in the midst of my own soul-searching...I drove my sweet boy to get a Flu Shot. I always dreaded getting my children any vaccines...just the stories you hear sometimes were enough to make any mom cringe...but never could I have imagined what was about to take place! Looking back, I now know that each journey, no matter how onerous it might be, is filled with many lessons and miracles along the way. Lessons we would have never been taught if it wasn't for that life-altering situation that caught us completely off guard, trying to make sure we would never find the strength to get back up again! I would like to share with you the Preface in my soon to be released, 'Flu Shot Gone Wrong' book, where I give an unvarnished account of how my vibrant son's life was transformed perpetually after receiving this vaccine. This story is not only about remaining steadfast in the face of tragedy; but also truly encompasses the true meaning of love, faith, and the ultimate will to survive!


      I have learned that life is never predictable and can throw many curve balls at you along the way. It is also beautiful and mysterious, filled with great treasures and unforgettable memories. The secret to getting through the arduous times, I think, is learning how to deal with them. We have all gone through adversity and had to be unyielding to overcome our own tribulations. During certain periods of our life, especially the profoundest moments, it can feel as if we are somehow being tested. In my son's story you are about to read, I have felt this way many times. It was as if God was watching to see how I would handle what was going on.
       Do I really have what it takes to keep getting back up? This question would constantly linger in the back of my mind. The answer was yes. Even though life knocked me down to my knees, God had equipped me with the power to get back up. I just didn't know it yet.
       Having experienced firsthand the way a tragedy can happen in the blink of an eye, I know what it's like to see your whole world shattered and have to find a way for the pieces to fit again. The old saying "God never gives you more than you can handle" would ring in my ears as I found myself crying, curled up in a ball. Through the darkest hours, I came to see God's strength and peace at work.
      I have learned that even the greatest tragedy can bring about hope, strength, and inspiration. I can honestly say, if not for my faith and strong relationship with God, I never would have been able to make it through the most strenuous time of my life.
      It has now been nine years since tragedy struck our family, namely my son Maurice. There were days I didn't even want to get out of bed and days I wished I were someone else. With God as my refuge though, I made it through and learned many valuable lessons along the way!
      I am writing this book in hopes other people might benefit from our experience. If Maurice's story keeps even one person from going through the pain he has endured, then my mission is complete. I pray this book inspires you to never give up and always cherish each day to the fullest.

                                                                                         Love and peace,
                                                                                           Michelle Mouille

Thank you for taking the time to read a little behind my 'Flu Shot Gone Wrong' story. I will also post a sample copy of the first chapter of the book, within a couple of days. Please visit and 'Like' the new Flu Shot Gone Wrong Facebook page to be eligible to win a Kindle Fire and copy of the soon to be released book!