THE BLESSING- AND CURSE- OF A TO-DO LIST

When you’re in charge of more than one person, say by running a business or keeping track of kids, it helps to collect and organize information about everyone’s schedules, be it in a list or calendar. Externalizing your daily priorities clears some space in your head for other things that need to happen, or, in other words, helps your mind stay sane and uncluttered. Making a to-do list should be more empowering than disheartening, but toeing that line can feel like walking a tight rope. Between work for Wish with the Sky Foundation and being a mother of 4, here are some insights I’ve learned over the years.

Having everyone’s schedules in one place is a blessing. In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have last-minute meetings or pull out important flyers from your child’s backpack the night before something important is happening, or other unpredictable event like car trouble or illness. The beauty of a to do list is that you can ideally shift around your priorities to accommodate these snafus. It can also be a nice reference point that brings you back to center when those outside forces come into play- all you have to do is refer to your list and get back on track!

When your to-do list starts becoming a script for your life, or you start getting anxiety around completing all the items in a given day, you have probably crossed the line from helpful into harmful. If writing down a list of what you have to do in a given day is stressful, it might be time to find a new approach to getting organized. You may even consider breaking up with to-do lists altogether- and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You might consider reimagining the way you approach a to-do list. One alternative is the 1-3-5 list, where you pick one “big” thing, 3 medium level things, and 5 small things that you will accomplish. For other alternative list structures, take a look at this article from Work Awesome.

Rather than nixing to do lists altogether, it might be a good idea to build in some balance. Create some time, be it a couple hours each day, or setting aside the weekend, to be agenda-less. It doesn’t mean you have to float around and do nothing, just that you mentally free yourself from creating a list. After all, an agenda does not make life any more or less important. Let yourself (and your kids) enjoy a bit of time here and there without worrying what you’re supposed to go to next.

Moderation is the key. For the important things, like meetings, practices, rehearsals, etc., it’s important to keep track of what’s going on. But if every waking moment is dictated by this list, it will start to feel more like a burden than a tool. Life wasn’t meant to be an itemized list of things to check off! Not accomplishing everything you’d initially hoped to in a day is ok- you are wherever you need to be in a given moment. The to-do list is a guide, not a rulebook.

PLANNED SPONTANEITY

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure”- William Feather


When was the last time you did something on a whim? If you’re like most adults, it’s probably been awhile since you did something unplanned, simply for the fun of it. As we get older and responsibilities increase, it becomes harder to do things spur of the moment. Unfortunately, many people equate adulthood/marriage/kids with no longer being able to go out and have fun any longer. Rather than resigning to a rigidly scheduled life, I suggest compromising. This is a sort of “How to have your cake and eat it, too” blog post on creating space for adventure while balancing your responsibilities.


50% planning. When it comes to balancing daily responsibilities (kids, work, etc.), you probably have 95% of the day planned out (the other 5% being the inevitable unexpected). The 50% rule is a way of carving out a spontaneous getaway that requires 50% of usual planning. This means reserving time in advance for being unavailable, even if you aren’t entirely sure what you’re doing. This way, people (employers/employees, for example) can go about their own week without being disrupted by you being gone. Another element of 50% planning is preparation. Bring anything that might be useful, like money, water, food, blankets, extra clothes-this is especially important when you’re involving children in the spontaneity. And that’s all there is to it. Once you’ve gathered supplies and blocked off some time, be it a weekend or long week, you have 50% planned. The rest is for figuring out as you go.


Dedicated times. One of my friends is overcommitted, to the point where I am not entirely convinced that she has time to sleep at night. Frustrated that she never got to do anything off the cuff, she finally analyzed her schedule and carved out 1-2 hours every Wednesday evening to do something spontaneous. Scheduling spontaneity seems counterintuitive, but if you have other schedules to juggle in addition to your own, it’s a compromise of sorts. If you have an hour a week where nothing else is going on, when the kids are all at various practices or schools or you can actually leave work on time, make it a time for something spontaneous. Go hang out at a coffee shop you’ve never been to before, take a walk, try to teach yourself a dance by watching YouTube tutorials- anything you can think of.






Being in the moment. Spontaneity doesn’t have to be a grand ordeal. You can incorporate smaller, bite-sized bits of whimsy into your everyday life. The key to this is being present. Opportunities arise when you start paying attention to what is surrounding you. For instance, maybe your morning routine involves going out and getting a coffee at the same spot. Why not try out a new place one day a week? Noticing little parts of your routine that are opportunities for something new can keep things interesting without being overwhelming.


Growing up and accepting new responsibilities requires us to change our lifestyle. While we may not be able to travel or even go out to dinner at the drop of a hat, it doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun. Our adventures change shape and direction, but they aren’t lost forever: “Adventure is not outside man; it is within” (George Eliot).