VOLUNTEERING

“Those who are the happiest are those who do the most for others” Booker T. Washington

Once in awhile, I get absorbed by my own world of problems and stresses, to the point where it can be hard to get out and do anything. I turn inward, and when presented with a new opportunity or activity, an inner voice cries “What’s the point? Why even bother? What difference will it make?” This voice, if listened to, can paralyze us into inaction. It wants us to become complacent, or even worse, to wallow in self-pity and despair. The best way I’ve found to counter this voice is to get out and do some service work. This type of work in particular can help you feel connected with others, regain a feeling of purpose, and help you get out of your head.

There’s something about uniting for a greater good that makes us feel connected with other people. Whether it’s fellow volunteers or the group/community you’re providing service for, you have at least a vague awareness that what you’re doing is benefiting another person. I’ve found this is a great method of pulling myself out of a funk. My problems melt away as I remind myself that I’m surrounded by so many others who might need something I have to offer. Volunteering also reminds us that inspiration comes in many forms. Although volunteer work at times seems unglamorous, it can invoke an overwhelming sense of gratitude and belonging. And, if you happen to be feeling down, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up” (Mark Twain).

While you’re helping make the lives of others better, you’re also reminded that there is so much more. We all have bad days- car problems, stress at work, or generally just feeling low- it’s just part of being human. The great thing is that we have complete control over how we react to these situations. We can pull away from the world and wrap ourselves up a self-pity blanket, or we can reach out and grab onto something larger. That’s not to say your problems are not real or upsetting- you should never minimize your emotions. I know when the world is throwing a lot at me and I want to crumble, sometimes my reaction is to think that ultimately, I don’t matter and there’s no point. Volunteer work is a perfect counter to such thoughts: “Devote yourself to the community around you and devote yourself to something that gives you purpose & meaning” (Mitch Albom).

Creating Wish for the Sky (http://wishforthesky.com/) was my solution to a life-changing situation, and it brings me joy to bring a bit of joy into the lives of others. Doing something selfless for another, no matter how small it may seem at the time, can make a huge difference in someone else’s life. I also hope that it inspires my children to do similar work! It’s the best way I’ve discovered to get out of a rut, and you never know what else you’ll gain along the way!

SELFLESS GIVING

“As we give, we find that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven, and in the end, we learn that it was no sacrifice at all” -Spencer W. Kimball

Easter was a couple weekends ago, and although it’s gone by, it’s still a great time to reflect on the nature of the holiday (that is, the idea of self-sacrifice and giving). Our society tends to be turned in toward ourselves, our own wants, desires, and egos, that before we agree to any sort of commitment, we first ask ourselves “What’s in it for me?” I say “tends to,” because this is by no means true of everyone or every situation people encounter. Sometimes, it isn’t even necessarily a conscious thought- rather, it’s something that lingers in the back of the mind as we come to a decision. Easter, for me, is a reflection on giving for the sake of giving. The best gift is the one that asks for nothing in return.

This particular type of giving is, when it boils down to it, the definition of selflessness. Whether we’re giving someone a thoughtful gift, a visit, a hand with moving, or even just a phone call, it may be a good idea to think about why we’re doing it. Is there an ulterior motive behind what you’re doing? Creating awareness is the first step in making any sort of change. Even if you realize you have an agenda that you weren’t aware of before (i.e. “Showing support for this event will help me gain some popularity”), it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow through (generally, keeping commitments is the more important consideration). We’re not always going to be perfectly, 100% selfless all the time, but it helps to remember the true purpose of giving back is to positively affect another human being: “I don't think you ever stop giving. I really don't. I think it's an on-going process. And it's not just about being able to write a check. It's being able to touch somebody's life” (Oprah Winfrey).

Although Easter focuses on the idea of the ultimate sacrifice, it doesn’t have to be a matter of life and death. You don’t need to be rich, famous, or powerful in order to give back. Simply being present and offering your full attention to someone or a situation is enough. Just offer what you can, even if it’s your smile: “Be helpful. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours”- Zig Ziglar. Small gestures can be just as fulfilling as grand gestures- and just as appreciated.
What are some ways you can think of to give for the sake of giving- whether it’s a group, community, or specific person? Even though Easter has come and gone, it’s always a good time to give! You will always get something in return: people who give back tend to be happier: “Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more” (H. Jackson Brown, Jr). Start giving and getting happy!

PERFECTING THE ART OF COMPASSION

“See the light in others, and treat them as if it is all you can see”- Dr. Wayne Dwyer

Somedays, you feel as if you’ve reached the end of your rope. You spilled coffee as you herded your children out the door, simultaneously leaving your lunch on the counter, getting cut off in traffic when you were already running late…And all these little things add up, draining you of your patience and overall goodwill. By the time you get to work, or class, or wherever it is you need to be, you have officially decided “It’s going to be a terrible day.” And, because of this decision, you may take it out on others who you encounter through the rest of the day.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but once you have mentally taken on the attitude that it will be a terrible day, guess what? You have just vastly increased your odds of having a terrible day. But what’s a person to do when it feels as though the world is conspiring to put you in a terrible mood and derail you? Perhaps practicing compassion, as crazy as it may seem!

First and foremost, remember to be compassionate towards yourself on these days. After all, you are human and cannot be expected to have perfect days all the time! If you lost your temper or said something unkind, try not to let it be a dark cloud on the remainder of your day. Take a breath, apologize to anyone you need to, and forgive yourself. When we think of compassion, we often overlook ourselves. Some might think it is selfish, but think about it: you cannot feed others from an empty cupboard. If you don’t practice compassion towards yourself, you can’t truly give it to others.

Second, if it is another person who is testing you (perhaps the person who cut you off in traffic earlier in the morning), remember that they are humans too, and for all we know, they could be having a rough morning as well. So, before you fly off the handle at the next person who rubs you the wrong way, take another deep breath (or two or three- there’s no such thing as too many deep breaths). Remind yourself that this person has thoughts and feelings too, and is fighting a battle that you cannot see or know about. Just as the quote at the beginning of the post suggests, this person has an inner light and redeeming qualities that make them lovable. Remind yourself of this, and love them in spite of their limits. Eventually, the anger or resentment you feel towards them in that moment will leave. It may take some time, but you will feel all the better knowing that you acted from a place of compassion rather than anger.

When we practice compassion in our daily lives, no matter how trying or difficult the day may seem, we become better people and the world becomes a better place for it. Some final words of wisdom to take with you today: “Let us fill our hearts with our own compassion- towards ourselves and towards all living beings” Thich Nhat Hanh

The Calm Before The Storm

In the previous blog post I shared the Preface to the soon to be released, 'Flu Shot Gone Wrong' book. Today I will post the first chapter in the book, titled:

                                         The Calm Before The Storm

      It was a chilly morning in late October. We were starting out with our usual weekday routine: waking up early to get Maurice ready for kindergarten, fixing the baby a bottle, and trying to let my two-year-old sleep without being disturbed.
      The aroma of bacon and eggs filled the air as I made Maurice's favorite breakfast. I could hear him singing along to Blue's Clues. I had been separated from my kid's father for a while. We had been in love once, but when we started having children, everything changed. He was in and out of jail and in and out of the children's lives. He was incarcerated at the time, so we were living with my dad. My dad and I had always been very close. He watched my youngest kids while I dropped Maurice off at school.
      "want me to walk you in?" I asked Maurice as we pulled up to the school. "No, Mom," he said with spunk. "I'm a big boy. I can find my class."
       I smiled.
       "I know you are, sweetie, " I replied. "I'll see you this afternoon!"
       "Okay! I love you!" he called as he jumped out of the car.
         I waved and blew him a kiss. I got home, said good-bye to my dad, and started the day with my two little ones, Malik and Mariah. I got them fed, did a few loads of laundry, and checked the clock. It was almost time to pick Maurice up.
         I had to get him out of school a little early that day. The flu had been going around, and I had finally made him an appointment to get his flu shot. I was dreading it because I knew Maurice hated needles, but his pediatrician had recommended he receive the vaccine.
         I often think about that day; I can see Maurice and I walking hand in hand to the car. "But, Mom, I'm in the middle of an art project. I don't want to go get a shot," he stated persistently.
         Looking back, I wish there could have been some type of altering force that changed our course to the clinic that afternoon. Perhaps a flat tire, getting a traffic ticket---anything so he wouldn't have taken the immunization shot.
         When we arrived at the health center, I looked around for my Aunt Carol. She agreed to meet me up there so Malik and Mariah could stay in the waiting area while I went back with Maurice. I finally spotted her.
          "Thanks for coming, Carol," I said, handing Mariah over to her.
          "It's no trouble," she said. She looked around the clinic. "Wow! There are a lot of kids here!"
          "Yeah, evidently the flu is spreading like wildfire," I said, writing Maurice's name on the sign-in sheet. "Maybe it's good he's getting his shot. I would hate for him to get sick."
          We sat in the waiting area, and Maurice started flipping through the pages of a Highlights magazine. Finally, after waiting what seemed like an hour, I heard the nurse call Maurice's name.
           "Let's go, baby," I said.
           He reluctantly put down the magazine and took my hand. I could tell he was nervous as he watched the nurse very carefully leading us back to the exam room.
           "Okay, Ms. Mouille, can you have your son sit on your lap, please?" the nurse asked.
           Before I could even look at Maurice, he was already positioning himself on top of my thighs. I could feel his little hands shaking. He stared at the nurse's back as she prepped the injection.
           "You're going to be fine," I whispered in his ear.
           "Okay," the nurse said, turning around with the needle in her hand. Maurice tensed up and grasped my fingers firmly.
           "Just look at your mommy, Maurice," the nurse requested.
           Maurice nodded.
           "I'm right here," I said soothingly.
           "Here we go," the nurse said. "One, two, three."
           When she reached three, the needle went into his arm. He let out a loud scream, and I noticed a few tears run down his cheeks.
           "Gosh, babe," I said, "you screamed so loud you almost broke my ears."
           "That just hurt me really bad," he said, sniffling.
           "He may run a slight fever," the nurse said as she put a bandage on the injection site. "Just give him a little Tylenol, and he should be fine."
            "I shouldn't expect anything else?" I asked.
             "Nope, that's it. He should be fine." the nurse replied, guiding us back to the front.
             Unbeknownst to me at this moment, those four words uttered by the nurse would come back to haunt me.
              Maurice was still wiping away tears as we walked out to the car.
              "How about we go to McDonald's for lunch since you were such a brave boy?" I suggested to him.
               He smiled big and nodded.
               "Let's go!" I said, taking his hand in mine, as we ran to the car excitedly. My aunt came with us, and we ate lunch while Maurice played. I can still see him running around the play area, laughing loudly. I had no idea, in just a matter of hours, that my firstborn son would be in the fight of his life.
                Once we made it back home, I noticed a little children's Bible lying on the coffee table. I opened it up and read the inscription aloud "To Maurice. You are a great boy. I know you will enjoy these stories. Love, Mema."
                Maurice was instantly drawn to the Bible and couldn't take his eyes off the brightly colored pictures arrayed throughout the inside. He carried the book around and didn't want to put it down. I didn't think about it then, but looking back, there seemed to be a deeper meaning behind Maurice receiving that gift on this particular day. Maybe it was meant to provide him comfort through the events that were about to transpire.
               Later that evening, Maurice started running a high fever. I was rotating Children's Tylenol and Motrin to control it and trying to keep him as comfortable as possible. I figured this was normal. After all, the nurse said we could expect a fever.
               I put Maurice to bed a little earlier that night, hoping he'd feel better with a good night's rest. I read him a Bible story from the book my grandmother had brought, gave him a kiss, and turned off the light.
              "Mom, can I sleep with the Bible under my pillow?" he asked as I started to close his door.
              "Of course you can. Good night, sweetie," I whispered back.
              I went to bed soon after, falling asleep to the sound of the television.