Maurice's 17th Birthday Celebration Photos

Hello To All! We have been very busy lately. I hope that you enjoy these very special birthday photos from Maurice's 17th birthday. ( which seems to have lasted at least a couple of months..lol )

Please visit our sites at www.flushotgonewrong.com and www.wishforthesky.com. Also you can view our face book pages at https://www.facebook.com/flushotgonewrong/  Please also view our You Tube channel at wishforthesky1 where we will upload more videos very soon!!!!!! www.flushotgonewrong.com www.wishforthesky.com https://www.facebook.com/flushotgonewrong/

TIPS ON BECOMING RESILIENT

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it”- Margaret Thatcher

Everyone has a bad day, or a series of bad days, once in awhile. It’s all a part of life. Resilience is our ability to bounce back from these unavoidable setbacks and “get back on the saddle.” Like the Margaret Thatcher quote above suggests, when you encounter a challenge or obstacle, you may not be successful on the first try. At times, it probably feels like you’re stuck in a repetitive loop having to deal with the same problem more than once. Part of being resilient is being able to come back to a battle more than once, and being ok with the fact that you might have to lose once in awhile. If you don’t consider yourself among the resilient, the good news is that many of the characteristics of resilient people can be obtained with a bit work!

Acceptance might be the most important part of resilience, and the part that is easier said than done. It takes a lot of work to be comfortable with the knowledge that some things are beyond our control. The truth is, even though we work hard and try to do the next right thing, we aren’t the ones running the show. We truly only have control over ourselves and our own actions.

Another piece of acceptance is having faith that, even if we don’t have control, that it will all be okay. Again, this might feel unfamiliar to many people at first (like being spiritually blindfolded). Every now and then, you’re not going to feel very positive. Life might be throwing a lot at you at once. You don’t have to be at your best all the time- remember that it’s okay not to be okay every now and then.

“It’s not the load that breaks you, it’s the way you carry it” (Lena Horne).

Although it may seem like resilient people are independently strong, they usually have a strong support group that helps them through the difficult times. Part of being resilient is knowing that as individuals, we don’t have all the answers, and someone else might be able to help if we let them. Have you ever told a friend something difficult or painful, and felt physically lighter because of it? Powerful feelings and emotions can weigh us down. Life’s burdens are less likely to break us if we distribute the weight across multiple people rather than trying to shoulder them all ourselves.

“Failure is a bruise not a tattoo” (Jon Sinclair). Another important component of resilience is perspective. Is the glass half full or half empty? Resilient people don’t tell themselves “I can’t” or view situations as impossible to handle. They also tend to look at difficulties as an opportunity for growth. It sounds a bit “out there,” but remember, I said these qualities required a bit of work! Situations may appear different if we step away for a little bit. It may also be an opportunity to ask someone else for their perspective- you never know what wisdom another person has to offer.

Resilience isn’t built in a day. Sure, some people make it look easy but these are skills that everyone can develop with a bit of practice and patience.

THE POWER OF READING

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go”- Dr. Seuss

Last Wednesday was Dr. Seuss’ birthday. As a once-upon-a-time child and current mother, Dr. Seuss has been an influence on my life and countless others. “Oh, the Places You’ll Go” may be one of his more quotable books, in my opinion. The nostalgia of being read to as a child, and this quote in particular, have me reflecting on the importance of reading to a child. Children learn the value of reading from adults, and what better place to start than in their own homes? Setting aside time to read together as a family serves a few different purposes. It teaches children the value of reading, encourages time spent bonding as a family, and there are plenty of resources for getting started.

“Children are made readers in the laps of their parents” Emilie Buchwald. Reading to children is incredibly beneficial, and it all starts at home. This is where they’ll learn the value of reading and depending how old they are, actually start learning how to read. Once they start going to school, they have an advantage over others. According to this study from the NEA “Twenty six percent of children who were read to three to four times in the last week by a family member recognized all the letters of the alphabet.” This is compared to 14% of children who were read to less frequently or not at all. It probably isn’t surprising that success in school begins at home.

Reading to children early on does more than set them up for academic success. Fostering an an early interest in reading sets children up for a lifelong adventure: “To learn to read is to light a fire, every syllable that is spelled out is a spark” (Victor Hugo). Being able to access books, newspapers, and all other types of literature opens up new worlds and ways of thinking that, without reading, would have been inaccessible. Think of your favorite childhood books and the places those stories would transport you in your imagination- what a priceless gift to impart to a younger generation!

If you think about it, reading to your kids can be boiled down to one thing: spending time together. Taking away all the facts about better grades or higher SAT scores, picking up a book and reading to a child can simply just be a way to spend time with one another. Giving the gift of our time and attention is one of the best things we can do for our children (or the children in our lives): “One of the greatest gifts adults can give - to their offspring and to society- is to read to children” Carl Sagan.

If you aren't sure where to start with books to read, head to your local library. They are usually very helpful when it comes to recommendations and children's reading. Many have programs for early readers, too. When all else fails, there are plenty of online resources to check out for book ideas.

If you aren’t sure where to start with books to read, head to your local library. They are usually very helpful when it comes to recommendations and children’s reading. Many have programs for early readers, too. When all else fails, there are plenty of internet resources and blogs to check out for book ideas. This list from Parenting is a great starting point. Or, start with your favorite book from when you were a kid! No matter what you decide, it’s a small way to make a big difference.

LESSONS OF MOTHERHOOD

As a mother, I can say that there is no greater blessing than my children (and every mother I know will tell you the same thing). From day one, you learn to put their needs first, to feel their pain as well as their happiness. And, despite all the advice and guidebooks about parenting and motherhood, there’s no real book out there with THE answers, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Children (Unabridged). I like to think that we all do the best we can with what we’re given, and that  is what being a good mother looks like. In honor of the day, this post is dedicated to a few lessons motherhood has blessed me with:

Selflessness. As a parent, your needs move to the back of the line, whether this means loss of sleep in the early days as you comfort a crying infant, taking on a second job to make ends meet, pushing your personal hobbies or passions to the backburner to give your child your full attention- these are some common sacrifices made by the average mother. A parent truly understands that “Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being” (Kevin Kruse).

Accomplishment. If you talk to someone who has graduated, run a marathon, or reached any sort of goal that they’ve been striving toward, they will often tell you the same thing: all the hard work, the proverbial “blood, sweat, and tears,” were all worth it in the end. Motherhood feels a lot like that. I wholeheartedly agree that “Motherhood is the most challenging as well as the utmost satisfying vocation in this world” (Nite Ambani). You offer your children lessons and all your love, and yet, you have to accept at a certain point that they are autonomous beings that you can’t control/protect forever, and must hope that you’ve given them all the tools they’ll need to pave their own way.

Empathy. “Motherhood was the great equaliser for me; I started to identify with everybody...as a mother, you have that impulse to wish that no child should ever be hurt, or abused, or go hungry, or not have opportunities in life” (Annie Lennox). This idea extends beyond children- when you get down to it, we’re all someone’s daughter or son. Every one of us has a mother. For me, it took becoming a mother to fully appreciate this sentiment.

Perseverance. The greatest lie I’ve ever heard told to a new parent: “It gets easier as they get older.” Easier? Compared to what? Instead, I’d revise this statement to say that the work doesn’t get “easier,” but it changes in nature. You move from diapers and teething to coordinating after-school obligations and homework to dating and driving to college...even just thinking about it all can be exhausting. But, somehow, you adjust and learn to pull through all of this: “Motherhood is wonderful, but it’s also hard work. It’s the logistics more than anything. You discover you have reserves of energy you didn’t know you had” (Deborah Mailman).

Of course, this is only a glimpse of the lessons I’ve learned as a mother. What is the greatest lesson? Unconditional love- but, this is something better explained through feeling rather than writing

 

                                             

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO 'DESERVE' THIS???

“What have I done to deserve this?”

We’ve all had this thought at some point or another in our lives- whether about something good or something bad. The idea of “deserving” and fixating on this notion is a recipe for resentment, disappointment, and sadness. In believing we deserve something (be it an object or circumstance), we assign the labels of “good” or “bad” to ourselves. This affects how we interact with the world and our perception of our role within it. This post is about the danger of “deserving” and shifting toward acceptance.

When something bad happens, people will often either take the stance of “What have I done to deserve this” or “Of course, this is happening because I deserve it.” Both of these thoughts can be damaging. They invite the “I am a victim” stance on the world. Unfortunately, once we develop this relationship with our surroundings, it gets perpetuated and becomes a difficult pattern to alter. But how? It involves a perception shift from thinking about bad experiences as opportunities for growth, rather than punishments (and yes, it is a tough pill to swallow at first). After all, “You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you” (Mary Tyler Moore). Difficult situations are never intended to break or destroy, but to give us an opportunity to see how strong and capable we really are- what other way is there to discover this? “Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it” (Buddha). The blessing may be that in facing a difficult situation, you overcome a fear that has held you back in the past. After, you migh be able to face other situations without this fear, knowing that you have already defeated it.

On the other hand, there are those who question when good things come their way, wondering what they have done to deserve such good fortune. Or, they are perhaps skeptical that a situation is too good to be true. Again, this isn’t something for us to judge- “God never made a promise that was too good to be true” (Dwight L. Moody). If your life is being rewarded, accept that it is happening for a reason beyond your control. A force greater than yourself believes that you are deserving, and that is enough. A common response to situations that seem to good to be true is self-sabotage, where a person will ruin a situation (consciously or unconsciously) because he/she is so utterly convinced of being unworthy of anything beautiful or good.

When you feel that something is a punishment or reward, remember that there is a reason for everything, even if you don’t understand what it is yet. As Idina Menzel has said, “Things happen for a reason, and in their own time.” For anyone whose children love Frozen, she also said (or, more appropriately, sang) “Let it go” and it isn’t bad advice. It’s also pretty catchy. Good, bad, or indifferent-there is a purpose for everything that happens in your life-stay strong and have a little faith.                            

 

                                                                

 

THE MEANING OF JOY

“If all you did was just look around for things to appreciate, you would live a joyous, spectacular life” Abraham Hicks

I have written about gratitude before, and it only makes sense to write about joy, too, since they go hand in hand. When we think about all the things we are grateful for in our lives, the end result is often a feeling of joy. When we are joyful, expressing gratitude becomes easy and effortless. The two create a reinforcing cycle of positivity, when you experience one the other often follows. Learning to cultivate both will allow you to create a “joyous, spectacular life.”

First, what is joy? It is defined as “an intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness, or an instance of such a feeling.” Joy does not necessarily need to be felt with such a force. It can be more of a slow, simmering feeling that builds up and gathers strength as it goes. It can also be maintained for a long period of time-a lifetime even, rather than cycles of becoming  bright and hot too fast and burning out. One way to maintain joy is to identify sources of joy in your life.

What brings you joy? As I suggested with cultivating gratitude, create a “joy list” as a way to actively cultivate joy. This can be anything that lifts you up or makes you smile (a recommended starting point is at least five). If you can, try to make them “big picture” items (as opposed to “I’m really thirsty and a glass of water would bring me joy at this moment). In spite of hardships in my life, there are still plenty of things to be joyful of. My family and my faith, for starters: “You have filled my heart with greater joy” (Psalm 4:7). Recognizing what expands upon our joy and writing it down allows us to have a physical reminder to revisit. In less joyful times, this list can be a way to help maintain joy, in spite of what is happening around us.   

What many of us don’t realize- or take the ‘long way’ in discovering- is that joy is an entirely internal state, independent of external circumstances. Whether you get a lottery ticket or a parking ticket does not need to dictate your joy level (or lack thereof). Joy may not come easily at first, in fact, for many people it doesn’t. Like anything in life, it is a practice that requires some work. Many of us get stuck in a routine, a search for constant improvement, and we become wired to constantly get better, reach the next level, never settle. There’s always something more for us to do, be, or have, just beyond our reach. Part of joy is learning to be content with where we are now, otherwise we’ll push it aside, saying “I can be joyful when I reach this next point in my life. That’s when it will be ok.”

Joy can be as easy or as difficult as we make it. If you find yourself putting your pursuit of a joyful life aside for other items on your “to-do” list, consider this proverb: “The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy.” Maybe, with a little joy, you can reach goals you’d never believed attainable.

                                                      

 

 

SPRING CLEANING FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Happy April! This time of year is associated with beginning, rebirth, awakening, and growth. (Is it any coincidence Easter is this weekend?) It is a time for coming alive and appreciating the beauty that surrounds us. It’s a time of year that brings a breath of fresh air to our lives. Think of the ritual of spring cleaning: we clean our homes, ridding closets of old clothing, neglected crevices and crannies of dust, fix leaky faucets, and begin planning gardens. It’s a time of year that inspires a fresh start. But, as anyone may ask before beginning a behemoth task like spring cleaning, “Where do I begin?”

Are there some areas of your life that you are dissatisfied with? This is the perfect time to make positive changes! By embracing the notion of rebirth, you can begin again. It may be a new diet, commitment to a health change, career related goals- whatever has been occupying space in the back of your mind, there’s no time like the present to get started! “You can’t change your life until your mind changes” rings true for many. Your thoughts carry a great amount of weight and have the power to shape your reality. Constantly thinking “I can’t” or “I’m not ready” only solidifies that core belief in your life, and the truth is, you will never be ready until you decide to be ready. Once you decide “Yes, I can and I will,” the rest of your life will catch up!

Part of the “self” spring cleaning process is identifying the problem areas- the places that have mentally gathered some dust for you. Perhaps it’s a matter of confronting your doubts and/or insecurities. It may involve breaking the habit of hitting snooze 3 times before finally getting out of bed, or going to the bakery after work. Maybe it’s carving more time for yourself out of a schedule bursting with commitments. You probably already have an idea which areas of your life have been neglected, and in spite of external factors, you can turn any ship around. All it takes is a bit of willingness: “You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; Everything that you want, you are already that”- Rumi.

Let’s go back to the spring cleaning analogy. Pretend that whatever is holding you back (the snooze button, a busy schedule, a series of doubts, fear, etc) is a bunch of grime covering the windows of your home. It’s time for spring cleaning, so you roll up your sleeves, grab soap, water, windex (or any other tools you would like to implement), and apply some elbow grease. Bit by bit, you see some progress. Once you’re finished, your windows are sparkling, and look at all the light that’s now shining in your home! You may even wonder how you lived before, with all the grime casting darkness over your life.

No matter what challenges life has presented you with recently, there’s no better time than spring to shed that former skin, whether it be blemished by insecurity, doubt, fear, and so on- and let the authentic you breath the fresh, spring air!

PERFECTING THE ART OF COMPASSION

“See the light in others, and treat them as if it is all you can see”- Dr. Wayne Dwyer

Somedays, you feel as if you’ve reached the end of your rope. You spilled coffee as you herded your children out the door, simultaneously leaving your lunch on the counter, getting cut off in traffic when you were already running late…And all these little things add up, draining you of your patience and overall goodwill. By the time you get to work, or class, or wherever it is you need to be, you have officially decided “It’s going to be a terrible day.” And, because of this decision, you may take it out on others who you encounter through the rest of the day.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but once you have mentally taken on the attitude that it will be a terrible day, guess what? You have just vastly increased your odds of having a terrible day. But what’s a person to do when it feels as though the world is conspiring to put you in a terrible mood and derail you? Perhaps practicing compassion, as crazy as it may seem!

First and foremost, remember to be compassionate towards yourself on these days. After all, you are human and cannot be expected to have perfect days all the time! If you lost your temper or said something unkind, try not to let it be a dark cloud on the remainder of your day. Take a breath, apologize to anyone you need to, and forgive yourself. When we think of compassion, we often overlook ourselves. Some might think it is selfish, but think about it: you cannot feed others from an empty cupboard. If you don’t practice compassion towards yourself, you can’t truly give it to others.

Second, if it is another person who is testing you (perhaps the person who cut you off in traffic earlier in the morning), remember that they are humans too, and for all we know, they could be having a rough morning as well. So, before you fly off the handle at the next person who rubs you the wrong way, take another deep breath (or two or three- there’s no such thing as too many deep breaths). Remind yourself that this person has thoughts and feelings too, and is fighting a battle that you cannot see or know about. Just as the quote at the beginning of the post suggests, this person has an inner light and redeeming qualities that make them lovable. Remind yourself of this, and love them in spite of their limits. Eventually, the anger or resentment you feel towards them in that moment will leave. It may take some time, but you will feel all the better knowing that you acted from a place of compassion rather than anger.

When we practice compassion in our daily lives, no matter how trying or difficult the day may seem, we become better people and the world becomes a better place for it. Some final words of wisdom to take with you today: “Let us fill our hearts with our own compassion- towards ourselves and towards all living beings” Thich Nhat Hanh

PAVING YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS THROUGH GRATITUDE

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow” - Shauna Niequist

One of the greatest components of building a happy life is gratitude. No matter how fast paced or unmanageable our lives may feel, it’s important to take a few minutes out of each day and find something to be grateful for. It’s amazing how generating a mental gratitude list can snap you out of a funk, and it’s almost guaranteed to make you feel positive once you’re done! As with most things, the hardest part is getting started.

When you’re in a difficult or trying place in life, starting a gratitude list may seem pointless or like a waste of time. Put these negative thoughts aside, even if only for a minute at first. Start with the very basic elements, no matter how “obvious” or “silly” they may seem at first. For instance, being thankful for: your life, the opportunity for the blank slate of a new day, your family, your friends, the sun, the earth, the ocean, rain, modern technology- anything that surrounds you or makes you happy. You can be grateful for a certain childhood memory or a favorite book. And, if you really want to dig deep into the core of gratitude and it’s potential for happiness, express gratitude for your adversities and obstacles. Pain is temporary, after all, and challenges offer an opportunity for growth. They are merely a push in the right direction, a catalyst for action that we may not take if left to our own devices. And, once the challenge is overcome, are we not often the better people because of it? Even sadness is worthy of gratitude, because without it, what would we have to compare happiness with?

Mentally listing what you are grateful for is a great way to start your day, but there’s even more work that you can do! Gratitude is an action word. It is defined as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”  There are three verbs in this definition: “being,” “show” and “return.” The quote at the beginning of the post also emphasizes the action-oriented nature of gratitude: it’s a matter of saying “thank you AND “ celebrating or “thank you AND” growing. The work begins with a thank you, but ends with an action.  

This means gratitude is more than a mere feeling, or saying “Thank you” to the open air (although it’s a great start). If you have specific people in your gratitude list, make sure to take some time to thank them in person, if you can. I’m sure they would love to hear it, and it will make you feel good, too. As William Arthur Ward points out, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Expression can, and often does, involve simply telling a person, “Hey, thank you for being in my life!”

Some final food for thought as you pave your way to happiness through gratitude: “It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy.” No matter where you are in your journey, whether you feel that life has given you a bounty of lemons or that it has backed you into a temporary corner, say thank you and be happy!

FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION

       "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity, but in doing”- Greg Anderson.

As many of you know, this blog began as a way to share the personal journey of my family in overcoming adversity and appreciating the many blessings we have been given. It was also a way to open dialogue about my novel, “Flu Shot Gone Wrong.” In just one week, my story, “Flu Shot Gone Wrong,” will be published. It’s a long awaited time that has at last arrived. I’ve been dreading and anticipating it in equal measure. But why? Is it because I’m viewing publication as my “destination”? Or is it perhaps dread of the unknown, the “what happens next” of releasing a very personal story to millions of people?

The anticipation makes sense, after all- this is the result of years of work. Navigating the world of writing, finding the courage and strength to not only share our story but feel that I’ve done it justice, in between raising four children and maintaining faith has been hard work, but it was my calling. I have strong hopes that others will read our story and find the inspiration and strength within the pages to continue their own personal journeys. We never have to walk alone. In many ways, my anticipation is the equivalent of seeing the finish line after running a physically taxing race. The end is in sight, and I am eager to cross that line, taking some time to catch my breath and rest afterward.

The dread is a more difficult feeling to explain. Perhaps it is because all writing is a work that comes from within, it’s an opening of heart and soul. This particular bit of work exposes a huge piece of my own life, laying it bare for all to see. It’s opening up, and, as with any type of opening, it leaves an exposed, vulnerable place. Vulnerability, as Brene Brown says, “is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” In writing my son’s story, I am opening our lives to the eyes of many: “This is real, this is me, this is us.” It is an invitation to exposure. In many ways, publishing is a gigantic leap of faith.

As March 10 draws ever closer, I try to push aside the dread, fear and anticipation, and remember instead that this is only one leg of a journey. The overarching theme in this particular journey is without a doubt love. When I remember that “Flu Shot Gone Wrong” began as an act of love for my children, all my strength returns. No matter what comes next in this journey of life, they will always be the most important part. It is their love and faith that keeps me afloat through the ups and downs. In fact, they gave me my voice. The truth is, in spite of the difficulties, I have experienced a vast amount of joy during this journey. Here’s to the ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new one!  www.flushotgonewrong.com https://m.facebook.com/flushotgonewrong www.wishforthesky.com        
                                                       
                                                         

Breaking Free From Anxiety: How I Overcame My Inner Turmoil And Ways Of Conquering Your Own Internal Mayhem!

  "You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it."--Maya Angelou---

     Anxiety, also known as the fight-or-flight response, is our bodies way of showing us that something within our current situation needs to change. It is the most common mental illness in the United States, and is all too often accompanied by depression, another familiar condition bewildering millions. Our ancestors used this same fight-or-flight response to their advantage, utilizing their careful thinking and problem solving skills in becoming well prepared for winter and warding off unwanted animal attacks. While it is normal for everyone to experience occasional anxiety, when more recurrent bouts of unwelcome, intense feelings rear their ugly head, it can be a sign of anxiety disorder. Panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorders, nervous behaviors, social anxiety disorders, and a wide range of phobias are some of the most frequent symptoms exhibited when people suffer from this crippling affliction. While doctor's are still unsure of the exact cause of anxiety; stress, genetics, and traumatic life events seem to be highest on the list of contributing factors, reported by those who suffer with them. When sudden unexpected events occur, such as: loss of a loved one, a failed relationship, a traumatic life event, sickness, or bad business deal, we are often left confused and brokenhearted, with our feelings meandering wildly.
     The torment that comes along with generalized anxiety and panic attacks is a topic very close to my heart, as not too long ago, I struggled day and night with unsettling feelings of fear, despair, trepidation...and the list went on and on. I found myself trapped in misery, as I agonized incessantly, desperately searching for a solution to the growing turmoil inside me. In this post, I will focus on my own battle with these fits of terror and methods used to overcome them for good!
      My battle with disquietude started when my son, Maurice, was first hospitalized. Our entire world was turned upside down and everything I knew no longer made sense. My first born, lied in the ICU, on Life Support, fighting for his life and I was thrust into an emotional, mental, and physical state which was unfamiliar, to say the least. I was focused on being the best mother I could be for Maurice and my other children, and didn't have time nor the energy to worry about my worsening apprehension. The ups and downs encountered throughout the ICU, Rehab., Life coming home from Rehab., and the journey we embarked on from that point forward were the most perplexing and trying times of my life, but I was determined to stay in faith, finding a way for the shattered pieces to all fit again. I knew I couldn't let my perturbation get the best of me, but over the years, despite diligently working to get a handle on it, the symptoms got harder to control. A war was going on inside myself, and I was trying with all my might to not let it prevail. It never affected my ability to take care of the children, but it was definitely impacting my life on a continual basis.
       The restless nights were the worse. I would excessively worry about the future and Maurice getting better. I went days without being able to sleep. The worry turned into unrelenting fear, which plagued my mind. I was incessantly scared my other children would get hurt or something might happen to me. I felt as if I had no control over anything and was completely powerless.
      I can't even recall the number of times I called my grandma or aunt when having a panic attack. I would wake up sweating and breathing sporadically, feeling as though my heart was going to pound through my chest. They would talk me through it, and then I would toss and turn for hours, trying to get back to sleep.
      On several occasions, I called the nurses in the E.R. in the middle of the night, fearing something was wrong with me. Sometimes, it felt as if my entire left side would go completely numb. Convinced I was having a heart attack, my aunt would come drive me to the hospital while my dad watched the kids. They would perform many tests and always had the same diagnosis of stress and anxiety.
     I'd ask God to please take my fear away. I didn't want to live like this and was petrified my mind was spiraling out of control. I'd sit and cry while everyone was asleep, knowing I had to get control over my thoughts. Even though my dad and aunts knew what was going on, I had never actually talked about my feelings in depth with them. I chose to finally open up.
     My dad wanted me to be strong and tried his best to build me up. He assured me I could handle anything and that exercise was key to taking my mind off of everything. The last thing I felt like doing at that time, though, was working out. My aunts urged me to see a doctor and felt maybe anxiety medication was the best option. I greatly appreciated their opinions, but considering the reaction my baby had to the Flu Shot, I wasn't a big fan of medications and opted to work on it myself.
      I prayed for God to let me live without the unsettling worries, implemented breathing techniques, a little bit of exercise, positive thinking, and actually put myself in 'uncomfortable situations' at times, just so I could see that everything would be okay and my fears wouldn't come true. I also started a journal, writing down my inner most thoughts and goals for the future. The symptoms fluctuated---decreasing for a few months, returning, and then diminishing again.
     I held fast that God would turn things around. After all, He knows us inside and out and could conquer anything. I laid at night reciting Psalms 139:1-3 (NIV) "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."
     Ultimately, I had to work very hard to control the debilitating effects of my anxiety. Although the previous methods I implemented were a great start, it wasn't until I completely gave all my worries and trust over to God, that I experienced total relief, peace and comfort from my symptoms. I knew I must rise out of my own ashes and get my enthusiasm for life back. Even though my son was now permanently disabled and so much around me had changed, there was still so much beauty, lessons, miracles, and happiness to be seen and discovered...but I was blind to them until I trusted in God wholeheartedly! One of the lessons I have been taught through our plight is God will always protect us. He hates to see his children hurting, and when you stay in faith, He will deliver you from your burdens.
      It's easy to go through life living in our disappointments, set backs, and regrets...but when we stay focused on the past, we can't fulfill God's plan for our future! We are stronger than we think and must use the adversity in our life to help others. God would have never allowed the obstacles to come in our lives, if He didn't have a plan to bring us out victorious, better, and happier than ever before! If you stay in faith during your times of greatest suffering, God will take those fears that once controlled you and turn them into part of your testimony to thrust others out of their darkest hours! Thank you for reading this very special post and I will close with a quote from the well known Swiss- American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
    

The Most Precious Gift

 "Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel" Isaiah 7:14 (KJV)

          As we celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, it can be somewhat difficult to find peace with so much suffering going on around the world. Mark 13:7 (KJV) reads as follows: 'And when ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars, be ye not troubled: for such things must be; but the end shall not be yet.' We must remember that God came to Earth as a man to show us love, peace, endless mercy, and that He wants us to find comfort and peace right where we are at.
         While my kids and I visited a live nativity scene this morning, I couldn't help think about Jesus' mother, Mary. Already very large and almost ready to give birth, what were her feelings as she embarked on the journey to Bethlehem? Any mother-to-be can experience a long list of anxious emotions, and I can't imagine the thoughts going through her mind as the innkeeper said ' there was no room in the inn to give birth?' Luke 2:7 says: and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.' I know she was overjoyed at the sight of the precious baby she had given birth to...and elated her son would grow up to save mankind from their sins. She of course would give Him the name Jesus, which means 'Savior.'
          I strive to teach my children the true meaning of Christmas. I want them to know it isn't about how many presents you get or the number of holiday functions one might attend, but instead, about joy, giving, and making sacrifices for others. We should all aim to keep the Christmas spirit year round, always reflecting how God has already given us the greatest gift we can ever receive, in his son, Jesus. The religious leader and author, Thomas Monson, said it best when he wrote: 'Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values.'
         Merry Christmas from our family to yours! I hope everyone had a wonderful day, filled with memories which will last a lifetime!