THOUGHTS ON EXPRESSING GRATITUDE

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, it is the parent of all others”- Cicero

Gratitude lists and journals are often suggested as a “pick me up” for people to get out of their own head. It’s a great exercise, and many people report that it works. The idea is to actively acknowledge what we are grateful for, which will help bring those positive feelings to our awareness and shift our mindset from the negative to the positive. Doing something every day to express gratitude- whether it’s using a gratitude journal, calling someone to thank them for their presence in your life, or simply saying “thank you” can help shift your mood.

The first step in expressing gratitude is to tap into the things you are grateful for, no matter how simple or trivial. Like anything else, this might require a bit of practice, and if you’re having a particularly difficult time in general, it may take a bit more work.

The next step is to find a way to channel it: “Gratitude requires awareness and effort not only to feel it but to express it” Bonnie D. Parkin. Some ideas for expressing gratitude include journaling, writing a letter, making a phone call, or paying it forward somehow. Gratitude journals have gained a lot of popularity recently (after all, Oprah has one!). If you decide to go that route, it’s recommended to make an entry 1-3 times a week. It doesn’t necessarily need to be an every day thing. Be diligent but don’t make it a chore- otherwise you risk making it a chore. You should set aside some time each day to write in your gratitude journal, but give yourself a range of items rather than a set amount (like 3-5). If you have more, great- don’t put a cap on it!

Why express gratitude? Anne Lamott explains it in this quote: “Gratitude is peace.” Having and showing gratitude have been linked to increased positive feelings, including optimism. In the wake of a terrible day, just being aware that you have a few things to be grateful for can give you a surge of good feelings- enough to know that it will all turn out alright, no matter what is happening at this moment: “When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change” (Dr. Wayne Dyer). Expressing gratitude can also increase our feelings of interconnectedness. No matter what method you choose- writing, praying, speaking to another- you sometimes experience a surge of compassion for certain people in your life. If that’s the case, you may even want to reach out to them and let them know!Expressing gratitude is an easy way to snap out of a bad mood. It also allows you to foster feelings of optimism, goodwill, connection, and overall positivity. Another bonus of gratitude is that it can be expressed in a variety of ways. I’ve given some examples above, but trust me- there are many more! If you cannot find anything to be grateful for, consider this quote: “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO 'DESERVE' THIS???

“What have I done to deserve this?”

We’ve all had this thought at some point or another in our lives- whether about something good or something bad. The idea of “deserving” and fixating on this notion is a recipe for resentment, disappointment, and sadness. In believing we deserve something (be it an object or circumstance), we assign the labels of “good” or “bad” to ourselves. This affects how we interact with the world and our perception of our role within it. This post is about the danger of “deserving” and shifting toward acceptance.

When something bad happens, people will often either take the stance of “What have I done to deserve this” or “Of course, this is happening because I deserve it.” Both of these thoughts can be damaging. They invite the “I am a victim” stance on the world. Unfortunately, once we develop this relationship with our surroundings, it gets perpetuated and becomes a difficult pattern to alter. But how? It involves a perception shift from thinking about bad experiences as opportunities for growth, rather than punishments (and yes, it is a tough pill to swallow at first). After all, “You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you” (Mary Tyler Moore). Difficult situations are never intended to break or destroy, but to give us an opportunity to see how strong and capable we really are- what other way is there to discover this? “Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it” (Buddha). The blessing may be that in facing a difficult situation, you overcome a fear that has held you back in the past. After, you migh be able to face other situations without this fear, knowing that you have already defeated it.

On the other hand, there are those who question when good things come their way, wondering what they have done to deserve such good fortune. Or, they are perhaps skeptical that a situation is too good to be true. Again, this isn’t something for us to judge- “God never made a promise that was too good to be true” (Dwight L. Moody). If your life is being rewarded, accept that it is happening for a reason beyond your control. A force greater than yourself believes that you are deserving, and that is enough. A common response to situations that seem to good to be true is self-sabotage, where a person will ruin a situation (consciously or unconsciously) because he/she is so utterly convinced of being unworthy of anything beautiful or good.

When you feel that something is a punishment or reward, remember that there is a reason for everything, even if you don’t understand what it is yet. As Idina Menzel has said, “Things happen for a reason, and in their own time.” For anyone whose children love Frozen, she also said (or, more appropriately, sang) “Let it go” and it isn’t bad advice. It’s also pretty catchy. Good, bad, or indifferent-there is a purpose for everything that happens in your life-stay strong and have a little faith.                            

 

                                                                

 

THE MEANING OF JOY

“If all you did was just look around for things to appreciate, you would live a joyous, spectacular life” Abraham Hicks

I have written about gratitude before, and it only makes sense to write about joy, too, since they go hand in hand. When we think about all the things we are grateful for in our lives, the end result is often a feeling of joy. When we are joyful, expressing gratitude becomes easy and effortless. The two create a reinforcing cycle of positivity, when you experience one the other often follows. Learning to cultivate both will allow you to create a “joyous, spectacular life.”

First, what is joy? It is defined as “an intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness, or an instance of such a feeling.” Joy does not necessarily need to be felt with such a force. It can be more of a slow, simmering feeling that builds up and gathers strength as it goes. It can also be maintained for a long period of time-a lifetime even, rather than cycles of becoming  bright and hot too fast and burning out. One way to maintain joy is to identify sources of joy in your life.

What brings you joy? As I suggested with cultivating gratitude, create a “joy list” as a way to actively cultivate joy. This can be anything that lifts you up or makes you smile (a recommended starting point is at least five). If you can, try to make them “big picture” items (as opposed to “I’m really thirsty and a glass of water would bring me joy at this moment). In spite of hardships in my life, there are still plenty of things to be joyful of. My family and my faith, for starters: “You have filled my heart with greater joy” (Psalm 4:7). Recognizing what expands upon our joy and writing it down allows us to have a physical reminder to revisit. In less joyful times, this list can be a way to help maintain joy, in spite of what is happening around us.   

What many of us don’t realize- or take the ‘long way’ in discovering- is that joy is an entirely internal state, independent of external circumstances. Whether you get a lottery ticket or a parking ticket does not need to dictate your joy level (or lack thereof). Joy may not come easily at first, in fact, for many people it doesn’t. Like anything in life, it is a practice that requires some work. Many of us get stuck in a routine, a search for constant improvement, and we become wired to constantly get better, reach the next level, never settle. There’s always something more for us to do, be, or have, just beyond our reach. Part of joy is learning to be content with where we are now, otherwise we’ll push it aside, saying “I can be joyful when I reach this next point in my life. That’s when it will be ok.”

Joy can be as easy or as difficult as we make it. If you find yourself putting your pursuit of a joyful life aside for other items on your “to-do” list, consider this proverb: “The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy.” Maybe, with a little joy, you can reach goals you’d never believed attainable.

                                                      

 

 

The Power Of Poetry

   A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words. --- Robert Frost ----

      Since primordial times, people have expressed their deepest emotions, created healing, and stimulated personal growth through poetry. The well known scholar and psychiatrist, Sigmund Freud, once stated: 'Not I, but the poet discovered the unconscious.' Poetry has a way of taking you too many places...places, sometimes, only our mind can create. When we travel to that creative place our poems come from...it is then that healing, peace, and insights are generated.
       Growing up, I was never a poetry writer, but loved reading all genres of it. It wasn't until the most strenuous time of my life, that I stumbled upon the healing power of poetry! The exact moment will always be fresh in my mind: My son, Maurice, had been in the Intensive Care Unit for over a month. We were now waiting for any signs that he would start coming out of the coma. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I knew he was depending on me to stay strong for him, and even though he couldn't speak, he could hear and feel what was going on around him. I took Maurice's hand and recounted trips we had been on. I talked for hours, just hoping something I said might wake him up quicker. I went over memories we shared at the beach, as this was his favorite place to go. I recalled one trip where Maurice and I had taken a picture inside a huge diorama of a shark's mouth. "I can't wait for us to go to the beach again, sweetie. "Remember when we took the picture inside of the shark's mouth?" I asked, looking down at him. He, of course, didn't respond. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. "I know you can hear me, babe," I asserted. "Mommy's going to be right here when you wake up." I shifted in my chair, pulling a blanket I had on my lap up over my shoulders. When suddenly, I thought I felt a finger move! Knowing I hadn't slept well in over a month, I thought I was mistaken. Trying to decompress, I kept talking about the beach trip. Then I felt his fingers moving again. This time, even slightly more than the first. I couldn't have been misconstrued. I jumped up and pressed the nurse call button so much I thought I might break it. The whole time I kept saying to Maurice, "I'm here baby...I knew you could do it!" It felt as if we had been waiting a lifetime for Maurice to start waking up. I knew we were still in a battle, but all that mattered was my baby was fighting through it!
       Many reflections were running rampant through my mind. It felt as if I was going to rupture inside. I wanted to express my everlasting love for him in a special way. Contemplating all the agony we had encountered throughout the ICU, I reached for a pen and paper and started writing him this poem:

                                                      My Hero
                                       As I drive down this broken road
                                  I can't help but wonder what life will unfold.
                                       Looking out at the midnight sky
                                  my mind starts to drift, thinking of you and I.
                                  Every corner I turn and every stoplight I see
                                       are filled with our sweet memories.
                                  Wondering how one minute you can have it all
                                  and never knowing that in the blink of an eye
                                        it could all be gone.
                                   As another day passes and another night ends
                                  I try to convince myself, I'm just trapped in a nightmare that will soon end.
                                  If I had a wish, I would turn back the hands of time
                                        and erase all of your pain you feel inside.
                                  I would shield and protect you from any harm
                                       and never let you go from my arms.
                                   You are truly an angel and everything to me
                                       and I can't ever explain how you've always
                                       made me so proud
                                   from the first day I took you into your pre-k class
                                   I will never forget, the way you sat down so brave
                                       and so eager to learn.
                                    You looked at me and smiled and waved good-bye.
                                     You were never scared and had a certain look in your eye.
                                    I knew you would grow up to be a great man
                                      and you've exceeded my expectations time and time again.
                                    I wonder if I'll ever hear you talk to me again
                                    to tell me that you love me and just how your day has been.
                                    Sometimes, I see you look at me, so deeply in my eyes
                                    and I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling inside.
                                    I know you have an angel with you everywhere you go,
                                    and God has a plan for you that we soon will know.
                                    You have been through a battle and still are fighting now
                                     strong and fearless as a brave soldier, traveling onto enemy ground.
                                     Your motivation for fighting so hard through all of this
                                        I wish I knew.
                                     Anyone else would have given up and never made it through.
                                    You have a will to live, that is amazing and always shines through.
                                     You will always be my hero, a true inspiration to me.
                                     I hope you know how much I truly love you,
                                          and I will never leave your side.
                                     I am truly blessed to have you, I know without
                                          a doubt.
                                     I will never take a day for granted, for you
                                          are what life and love are truly about!

             I had found a way to release my inner emotions! It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and transferred, at least momentarily, through the pen to the paper. Poetry had allowed me to escape from all of the doubt, worry, and perplexing feelings which were plaguing my heart.
             I would love to hear any of your own inspirational poetry! Thank you for reading this blog post and I will close with this short poem from Michael Sage:
                                                         An Emotion
                                      There came an emotion, somewhere from above
                                      Gracefully floating, like a beautiful white dove.
                                      I'm enveloped by emotion, it fits like a glove
                                      So peaceful and wonderful, this feeling called Love.

                                                       

                                     

                             
                                      
                                  
    

Overcoming Tragedy: A Mother's Fight To Save Her Son And Divine Lessons Learned Along The Way!!!

       "In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive"...Lee lacocca


     Hello and Happy Tuesday to all! Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Michelle Mouille....a mother to four beautiful children --- Maurice my fifteen year old angel, Malik my twelve year old basketball wiz, Mariah my ten year old pop princess, and Malani my nine year old vivacious gymnast--- I am president/founder of the Maurice Lamkin Jr. Brain Injury Foundation that grants wishes to brain injured children, and a new author.
     I have just completed a book, which is about to be published titled "Flu Shot Gone Wrong," where I give an unvarnished account of the most tragic and personal battle my family has ever known...and Overcome! There was no way of knowing that after my son received what seemed to be a simple vaccine at the tender age of five, our lives would be completely shattered and we would find ourselves tested in every way imaginable. My worst fears were coming to pass right before my eyes...my first born would have to battle through forty days and nights on Life Support, a sea of surgeries, hospital stays and developmental set backs...but relentless faith would prove to surmount all!!!That's the thing about tragedy and adversity...it can blindside us, trying to make sure we will never be able to get back up again. I have learned that our darkest hours are sometimes what brings about the greatest inspiration, hope, strength, faith, and love. The key is discovering how to make it through our tribulations, without letting them overtake us. I will talk more about the book and my son's story in future blog posts, exploring these questions and more in great detail. I believe the parable of the farmer who owned an old mule is a perfect example of overcoming adversity. The story tells that the mule fell into the farmer's well. The farmer heard the mule making noises. The farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided not to try and save him. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened...and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery. Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back...a thought struck him! It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, he should shake it off and step up! This he did, blow after blow. No matter how painful the blows, the old mule fought through 'panic' and just kept shaking it off! It wasn't long before the old mule, battered and bruised, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him, actually blessed him....all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity. I have found this to be very true in my own plight as well. The old saying "God never gives you more than you can handle" often rang in my ears as I found myself crying, curled up in a ball. Through the darkest hours, though, I came to see God's strength and peace at work!
      I am new to the world of blogging, so please bear with me while I figure out the specifics of "maintaining a proper blog." Rather than trying to conform my blog around the way I see others designing theirs...I will just promise to be sincere and try to use every post to reach, inform, and empower the lives of others.
      As mother's we all love our children, wanting them to be happy and healthy. We often put our own needs/wants to the side in order to make these goals realities. There's nothing we wouldn't do to keep them safe....but sometimes this great, unpredictable, yet beautiful mystery we call 'Life,' sends us a curve ball... which is exactly what happened to me and my family. It can somehow feel as if we are being tested in this life. I know I have felt this way many times before. Have you ever felt as if God is watching to see how you would handle a certain situation? I know that I have. I will be using this page to blog not only about the upcoming book and my son's story, but also as a means of letting out my innermost feelings on all kinds of topics that I feel will be helpful, such as: selfless acts of love, giving, trusting God, igniting our faith, relaxation techniques, living with fibroids, life after brain injury, holding on to your inner child, vaccine reform, finding our own 'super nanny' within ourselves, 'comfort foods', overcoming anxiety....and many many more. I believe God has equipped each of us, in our own special way to inspire and help our fellow mankind, and that's what I pray my blogs to accomplish. I welcome and will greatly appreciate any feedback, questions, or comments you might have on any blog posts or just our plight in general. I would love to hear any of your own inspiring stories or how you overcame a tragic situation.
        William Shakespeare said it best with his quote: "Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel in his head." I would like to share with you a couple of inspiring stories from well known people in history. Sir Winston Churchill had a speech impediment when he was a young boy and it took him three years to complete the eighth grade. He overcame all of that and became the British prime minister and recipient of the Nobel Prize for literature in 1953. Walt Disney also had his own share of tribulations to overcome. He had a great business idea when he was young, but found himself with no funding to start his business. He approached many banks for loans but they all turned him down. He didn't let that stop him and after visiting hundreds of banks finally found one to give him a start up loan. The well known Disney parks and brands were then brought into our lives. Adversity seems to strike all of us in this world. And when it does it knows no race, creed, or boundaries. We must dig down deep inside to a place we didn't even know existed, and muster up every amount of courage, faith, and strength possible. It is then, through our ignited faith in these darkest moments we will come to see our spiritual, physical, and mental being awaken and flourish like never before. I have seen so many miracles and learned so many divine lessons, along our own journey that I will share with you in future blogs.  These are miracles and lessons which wouldn't have been possible without our 'detour' and we have definitely grown in every way possible through our journey and trust that God always has a plan, even in the midst of tremendous suffering. I will close this blog with two Bible scriptures that have always soothed me in my roughest hours. "They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out it's roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV) ...This last scripture is very touching to me and I believe in wholeheartedly: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" Genesis 50:20