HOW TO STRESS LESS

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.– Winston Churchill

Worrying is common in today’s world, to the point where most of us are constantly worrying about, well, everything. Then it blossoms into full blown stress, which can take a strong hold on our lives. It will dictate most of our behaviors, thoughts, and actions- but only if we let it.

This may be surprising, but stress does have a purpose. It directs our attention to something (a situation or other outside influence) that is unpleasant or dangerous, so that we can take necessary action to remove ourselves from it. Usually, our bodies will restore themselves to neutral after the stressor has been removed. When we are under constant stress, the body never has a chance to recover, and that’s when it becomes dangerous to our health. Kris Carr illustrates this mind-body connection in the following: “If you don't think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.” Unfortunately, we live in a society that glorifies being stressed out, which can make breaking free difficult. A good starting point is turning inward.

The first thing to do is pinpoint the source of your stress. There are many theories as to the origins of stress, but one of my favorites is from Eckhart Tolle: “Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.’” “Here” could be a physical space, like being stuck in a traffic jam when you need to be “there” at work. It can also refer to wherever you are mentally. This idea also translates into mental space. In essence, our root cause of stress is usually from trying to manipulate situations beyond our control and the ensuing frustration when things don’t go according to plan. Take some time to reflect on the situations that are generating feelings of stress in your life. How many of them are beyond your control?

The next step is releasing yourself from this burden, which is another inside job. Expecting someone else to remove the stress from you inevitably creates an unhealthy dynamic, for starters, and can also breed further stress and resentments. Relieving yourself of stress means re-evaluating how the aforementioned situations trigger a stress response. Is it a situation we can remove ourselves from? If not, how can we change our perspective or attitude toward the situation in a way that reduces stress? This requires some deep digging. In all likelihood, it will also mean letting go and accepting that certain things are beyond our control, and that’s okay.

Stress isn’t all bad, but when it starts taking over our lives and well-being, it may be time to sit down with ourselves and look at what’s really going on. As we move through life, good and bad things will happen, we can only control our response: “A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well” (unknown).

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

 “Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine” Lord Byron

Laughing is one of the best things you can do for your body.

According to a study by Dr. Robin Dunbar a few years ago, there is something about the physical action of laughing that triggers endorphin release, even to the point of creating resistance to pain. Matt LeBlanc refers to it as “nature’s Neosporin.” It has also been proven to lower stress. Perhaps you’ve heard that if you’re upset, the act of smiling will make you feel happier. Well, laughing has a similar effect, but it’s like using a jetpack to get there. I can’t say that it burns a certain number of calories or that you’ll get 6-pack abs by laughing for 8 hours straight (which is more appealing than crunches), it does cause a significant mood boost. There’s no quicker cure for a case of the blues like a good belly-laugh.

Laughter is also universal, transcending language and cultural barriers. In fact, some believe that it’s a form of communication- in sharing laughter with someone, we’re expressing approval. History, race, culture, language, and everything else melts away: “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people” (Victor Borge). Ever gotten in a ridiculous giggling fit with a friend? Most of the time, you probably don’t even remember what you’re laughing about. Laughter is contagious, especially when it’s a friend or loved one. According to BBC News, we are “30 times more likely to laugh at something when we’re with other people.”

Not only is laughter contagious, it acts as a bonding agent. How often is laughter used to alleviate tension in an awkward situation? Another example is inside jokes among friends. Inside jokes are like glue to friendship. In fact, many of the friendships I’ve built over the years were born in laughter. It is probably a combination of shared experience and the ever powerful endorphin release that gets associated with those particular people. These jokes usually aren’t funny on their own merit without context. When you try to share with someone else, it results in you saying “Oh, maybe you had to be there…” The BBC study mentioned above maintains that “The science of laughter is telling us that laughter has less to do with jokes and more a social behavior which we use to show people that we like them and that we understand them.”

Finally, “If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy.” In addition to being cheap medicine, laughter has the benefit of being readily available. Even if you just laugh to yourself in your car, it’s a guaranteed to make you feel better (although it might seem strange to any potential onlookers). You can always find people to laugh with, something to laugh about, and a little bit of time in your day to sprinkle in some laughter. As Charlie Chaplin famously said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” So take some time to laugh a little (or a lot) today, and share it with someone else if you can. 


SPRING CLEANING FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Happy April! This time of year is associated with beginning, rebirth, awakening, and growth. (Is it any coincidence Easter is this weekend?) It is a time for coming alive and appreciating the beauty that surrounds us. It’s a time of year that brings a breath of fresh air to our lives. Think of the ritual of spring cleaning: we clean our homes, ridding closets of old clothing, neglected crevices and crannies of dust, fix leaky faucets, and begin planning gardens. It’s a time of year that inspires a fresh start. But, as anyone may ask before beginning a behemoth task like spring cleaning, “Where do I begin?”

Are there some areas of your life that you are dissatisfied with? This is the perfect time to make positive changes! By embracing the notion of rebirth, you can begin again. It may be a new diet, commitment to a health change, career related goals- whatever has been occupying space in the back of your mind, there’s no time like the present to get started! “You can’t change your life until your mind changes” rings true for many. Your thoughts carry a great amount of weight and have the power to shape your reality. Constantly thinking “I can’t” or “I’m not ready” only solidifies that core belief in your life, and the truth is, you will never be ready until you decide to be ready. Once you decide “Yes, I can and I will,” the rest of your life will catch up!

Part of the “self” spring cleaning process is identifying the problem areas- the places that have mentally gathered some dust for you. Perhaps it’s a matter of confronting your doubts and/or insecurities. It may involve breaking the habit of hitting snooze 3 times before finally getting out of bed, or going to the bakery after work. Maybe it’s carving more time for yourself out of a schedule bursting with commitments. You probably already have an idea which areas of your life have been neglected, and in spite of external factors, you can turn any ship around. All it takes is a bit of willingness: “You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; Everything that you want, you are already that”- Rumi.

Let’s go back to the spring cleaning analogy. Pretend that whatever is holding you back (the snooze button, a busy schedule, a series of doubts, fear, etc) is a bunch of grime covering the windows of your home. It’s time for spring cleaning, so you roll up your sleeves, grab soap, water, windex (or any other tools you would like to implement), and apply some elbow grease. Bit by bit, you see some progress. Once you’re finished, your windows are sparkling, and look at all the light that’s now shining in your home! You may even wonder how you lived before, with all the grime casting darkness over your life.

No matter what challenges life has presented you with recently, there’s no better time than spring to shed that former skin, whether it be blemished by insecurity, doubt, fear, and so on- and let the authentic you breath the fresh, spring air!

FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION

       "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity, but in doing”- Greg Anderson.

As many of you know, this blog began as a way to share the personal journey of my family in overcoming adversity and appreciating the many blessings we have been given. It was also a way to open dialogue about my novel, “Flu Shot Gone Wrong.” In just one week, my story, “Flu Shot Gone Wrong,” will be published. It’s a long awaited time that has at last arrived. I’ve been dreading and anticipating it in equal measure. But why? Is it because I’m viewing publication as my “destination”? Or is it perhaps dread of the unknown, the “what happens next” of releasing a very personal story to millions of people?

The anticipation makes sense, after all- this is the result of years of work. Navigating the world of writing, finding the courage and strength to not only share our story but feel that I’ve done it justice, in between raising four children and maintaining faith has been hard work, but it was my calling. I have strong hopes that others will read our story and find the inspiration and strength within the pages to continue their own personal journeys. We never have to walk alone. In many ways, my anticipation is the equivalent of seeing the finish line after running a physically taxing race. The end is in sight, and I am eager to cross that line, taking some time to catch my breath and rest afterward.

The dread is a more difficult feeling to explain. Perhaps it is because all writing is a work that comes from within, it’s an opening of heart and soul. This particular bit of work exposes a huge piece of my own life, laying it bare for all to see. It’s opening up, and, as with any type of opening, it leaves an exposed, vulnerable place. Vulnerability, as Brene Brown says, “is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” In writing my son’s story, I am opening our lives to the eyes of many: “This is real, this is me, this is us.” It is an invitation to exposure. In many ways, publishing is a gigantic leap of faith.

As March 10 draws ever closer, I try to push aside the dread, fear and anticipation, and remember instead that this is only one leg of a journey. The overarching theme in this particular journey is without a doubt love. When I remember that “Flu Shot Gone Wrong” began as an act of love for my children, all my strength returns. No matter what comes next in this journey of life, they will always be the most important part. It is their love and faith that keeps me afloat through the ups and downs. In fact, they gave me my voice. The truth is, in spite of the difficulties, I have experienced a vast amount of joy during this journey. Here’s to the ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new one!  www.flushotgonewrong.com https://m.facebook.com/flushotgonewrong www.wishforthesky.com        
                                                       
                                                         

Breaking Free From Anxiety: How I Overcame My Inner Turmoil And Ways Of Conquering Your Own Internal Mayhem!

  "You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it."--Maya Angelou---

     Anxiety, also known as the fight-or-flight response, is our bodies way of showing us that something within our current situation needs to change. It is the most common mental illness in the United States, and is all too often accompanied by depression, another familiar condition bewildering millions. Our ancestors used this same fight-or-flight response to their advantage, utilizing their careful thinking and problem solving skills in becoming well prepared for winter and warding off unwanted animal attacks. While it is normal for everyone to experience occasional anxiety, when more recurrent bouts of unwelcome, intense feelings rear their ugly head, it can be a sign of anxiety disorder. Panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorders, nervous behaviors, social anxiety disorders, and a wide range of phobias are some of the most frequent symptoms exhibited when people suffer from this crippling affliction. While doctor's are still unsure of the exact cause of anxiety; stress, genetics, and traumatic life events seem to be highest on the list of contributing factors, reported by those who suffer with them. When sudden unexpected events occur, such as: loss of a loved one, a failed relationship, a traumatic life event, sickness, or bad business deal, we are often left confused and brokenhearted, with our feelings meandering wildly.
     The torment that comes along with generalized anxiety and panic attacks is a topic very close to my heart, as not too long ago, I struggled day and night with unsettling feelings of fear, despair, trepidation...and the list went on and on. I found myself trapped in misery, as I agonized incessantly, desperately searching for a solution to the growing turmoil inside me. In this post, I will focus on my own battle with these fits of terror and methods used to overcome them for good!
      My battle with disquietude started when my son, Maurice, was first hospitalized. Our entire world was turned upside down and everything I knew no longer made sense. My first born, lied in the ICU, on Life Support, fighting for his life and I was thrust into an emotional, mental, and physical state which was unfamiliar, to say the least. I was focused on being the best mother I could be for Maurice and my other children, and didn't have time nor the energy to worry about my worsening apprehension. The ups and downs encountered throughout the ICU, Rehab., Life coming home from Rehab., and the journey we embarked on from that point forward were the most perplexing and trying times of my life, but I was determined to stay in faith, finding a way for the shattered pieces to all fit again. I knew I couldn't let my perturbation get the best of me, but over the years, despite diligently working to get a handle on it, the symptoms got harder to control. A war was going on inside myself, and I was trying with all my might to not let it prevail. It never affected my ability to take care of the children, but it was definitely impacting my life on a continual basis.
       The restless nights were the worse. I would excessively worry about the future and Maurice getting better. I went days without being able to sleep. The worry turned into unrelenting fear, which plagued my mind. I was incessantly scared my other children would get hurt or something might happen to me. I felt as if I had no control over anything and was completely powerless.
      I can't even recall the number of times I called my grandma or aunt when having a panic attack. I would wake up sweating and breathing sporadically, feeling as though my heart was going to pound through my chest. They would talk me through it, and then I would toss and turn for hours, trying to get back to sleep.
      On several occasions, I called the nurses in the E.R. in the middle of the night, fearing something was wrong with me. Sometimes, it felt as if my entire left side would go completely numb. Convinced I was having a heart attack, my aunt would come drive me to the hospital while my dad watched the kids. They would perform many tests and always had the same diagnosis of stress and anxiety.
     I'd ask God to please take my fear away. I didn't want to live like this and was petrified my mind was spiraling out of control. I'd sit and cry while everyone was asleep, knowing I had to get control over my thoughts. Even though my dad and aunts knew what was going on, I had never actually talked about my feelings in depth with them. I chose to finally open up.
     My dad wanted me to be strong and tried his best to build me up. He assured me I could handle anything and that exercise was key to taking my mind off of everything. The last thing I felt like doing at that time, though, was working out. My aunts urged me to see a doctor and felt maybe anxiety medication was the best option. I greatly appreciated their opinions, but considering the reaction my baby had to the Flu Shot, I wasn't a big fan of medications and opted to work on it myself.
      I prayed for God to let me live without the unsettling worries, implemented breathing techniques, a little bit of exercise, positive thinking, and actually put myself in 'uncomfortable situations' at times, just so I could see that everything would be okay and my fears wouldn't come true. I also started a journal, writing down my inner most thoughts and goals for the future. The symptoms fluctuated---decreasing for a few months, returning, and then diminishing again.
     I held fast that God would turn things around. After all, He knows us inside and out and could conquer anything. I laid at night reciting Psalms 139:1-3 (NIV) "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."
     Ultimately, I had to work very hard to control the debilitating effects of my anxiety. Although the previous methods I implemented were a great start, it wasn't until I completely gave all my worries and trust over to God, that I experienced total relief, peace and comfort from my symptoms. I knew I must rise out of my own ashes and get my enthusiasm for life back. Even though my son was now permanently disabled and so much around me had changed, there was still so much beauty, lessons, miracles, and happiness to be seen and discovered...but I was blind to them until I trusted in God wholeheartedly! One of the lessons I have been taught through our plight is God will always protect us. He hates to see his children hurting, and when you stay in faith, He will deliver you from your burdens.
      It's easy to go through life living in our disappointments, set backs, and regrets...but when we stay focused on the past, we can't fulfill God's plan for our future! We are stronger than we think and must use the adversity in our life to help others. God would have never allowed the obstacles to come in our lives, if He didn't have a plan to bring us out victorious, better, and happier than ever before! If you stay in faith during your times of greatest suffering, God will take those fears that once controlled you and turn them into part of your testimony to thrust others out of their darkest hours! Thank you for reading this very special post and I will close with a quote from the well known Swiss- American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."